I feel confused, deep inside
Where to go, left or right
Everywhere I turn there's no escape
I try to hide myself
Flee from the things I fear to face
Why can't I stand up strong and brave?
The darkness inside consumes me
Fills me, draws me into it
Should I succumb? Should I resist?
To protest would be the right choice
But my soul is tempted beyond all doubt
I feel drawn into the dark
I watch it take over
I watch it pull me in
And I will never be alone
Sunday 27 December 2009
Tuesday 15 December 2009
Can The Arms of Mercy Bring Rescue?
I am at my breaking point.
I just need someone to pull me out.
Escape theories. Avoidance mechanisms. Loosely translated as submerging myself in the fantasy world. It's the only thing that keeps me sane. I am this close to snapping like a rubber band.
One day I am going to buy a large house and I will be the only one living there. One person in a big house might seem a bit out of sorts for you, but trust me, it's the only way I can survive. I need space and peace and quiet, and the only time I will break that silence is when I play music on this turntable in the library. Then I will settled down on the couch, with a glass of red wine or whiskey or scotch or bourbon and I will pick up a book and read while Time to Say Goodbye is playing in the background. And I will feel calm and at peace and I will not want to leave the house ever.
It's very likely that none of you who are my friends will ever get an invitation to my house, current or future. It's not personal; it's just that I am very possessive and territorial and I don't like people enroaching on my territory. In this future scenario, I will most likely become a recluse and will probably never marry. As a result, I will die alone.
The morbidity of my thoughts signify how close I am to loosing control.
And that's something I'd rather not experience.
I just need someone to pull me out.
Escape theories. Avoidance mechanisms. Loosely translated as submerging myself in the fantasy world. It's the only thing that keeps me sane. I am this close to snapping like a rubber band.
One day I am going to buy a large house and I will be the only one living there. One person in a big house might seem a bit out of sorts for you, but trust me, it's the only way I can survive. I need space and peace and quiet, and the only time I will break that silence is when I play music on this turntable in the library. Then I will settled down on the couch, with a glass of red wine or whiskey or scotch or bourbon and I will pick up a book and read while Time to Say Goodbye is playing in the background. And I will feel calm and at peace and I will not want to leave the house ever.
It's very likely that none of you who are my friends will ever get an invitation to my house, current or future. It's not personal; it's just that I am very possessive and territorial and I don't like people enroaching on my territory. In this future scenario, I will most likely become a recluse and will probably never marry. As a result, I will die alone.
The morbidity of my thoughts signify how close I am to loosing control.
And that's something I'd rather not experience.
Story of Life
Hello, all.
Fasten your seatbelts for the inane story of my life.
With the Christmas cheer in the air, I'm feeling a lot more charitable than I usually am. It's just the little things though, like letting my sister play a game on the laptop after she's tired of studying for her exam, not to mention that I felt guilty for hogging the laptop for the better part of most day and needed to take a break from the radiation that was attacking my tired eyes anyway.
However, I'm starting to feel bored. I can summarise my time spent online with several links: Ashwinder, youtube, tv.com, wikipedia, fanfiction.net and of course, my blog which links me to other people. I'm not very outgoing (although I am, apparently, social) but I'm starting to have cabin fever. And it's very frustrating. So the only way to occupy my time is to work on my story which I have yet to find a proper title for.
Again, it's very frustrating, but I'm making some progress with it. Instead of jumping into it headlong like I used to do, as in putting my characters in the story as though they've been doing this for years, I've decided to use a more natural approach, where they start out together, go through the same courses and training and stuff. There would probably be a lot of cat-fights but there might not. It's just a thought.
Another reason for my frustration is the fact that I don't get to see the friends I want to talk to online. They'll come on a while and then log off, leaving me with a feeling of unsatisfaction. Those who come online are people who can't keep up with me, which is because I use a lot of non sequiturs (which I just recently realised).
Word of the Day: Non sequitur
Meaning: A statement (as a response) that does not follow logically from or is not clearly related to anything previously said.
In Other Words: Random.
Which is weird because I never thought of myself as being random. And besides I've got a touch of OCD, I think. Again, I've recently discovered how bad it was (seems like I've got too much time on my hands to discover stuff about me I knew but never put much thought into about) when I bought a new pencil box and realised that I had too much junk to place everything inside.
So my sis very helpfully commented, 'That should teach you to remove all your junk from your old pencil box. See, my pencil box so empty,' she waved a hand at her own. Which, I had to admit, had nothing more than 3 pens inside. I was impressed, but the effect was spoiled when she grinned cheekily. 'Haha, it's only like this cause the rest of my stuff is on the table.' One look at the table and I cowered at the number of pens and mechanical pencils scattered around. And she complains about my junk.
Since she was so "knowledgable" about stuff like these, I asked her advice on what to put into my new pencil box (yes, I'm lame that way), which turned into me picking out what I wanted and her criticising my choices. After I finished, she waved a hand. 'Then dump everything inside lah.'
I was horrified. 'Cannot! First must put the sharpener on the left side. Then put in the pens and pencils I don't use much, and on top that the ones I use a lot..'
She rolled her eyes. 'What's the point of the "pens and pencils you don't use much" then?'
I stared at her. 'Just in case.'
She gave me another eye roll.
See, I even need to categorise where to place my stationery in my pencil box! I'm that nuts!
Yippee!
On a lighter note, I was talking to my sis about this friend of mine who had texted me saying that he was slowly dying because he liked this girl, who he was getting closer to everyday but he knows he can't have her. My initial reaction was, Drama-nya! When I told my sis, who is an expert at scathing remarks (and I thought I was good, same level lah really, just diff way we express it) 'You should go tell him, I hope you die faster then!' Dunno if you get the joke but it was hilarious when she said it.
Oh, one more thing. In our biology paper 1 for SPM, there was this question where they gave use a picture of a certain stage in cell division and they asked us which stage was it: Prophase, Metaphase, Anaphase or Telophase. It made quite an impact because it was so unclear no one could tell what it was.
Clearly it was still in everybody's mind when we came for our Chem tuition (ref last coupla posts). Mrs Foo was telling us about carbon compounds. It had this sub chapter where they were talking about coagulation of latex. So she drew out the diagram, which consisted of a large circle surrounded by negative ions (electrons) and inside the large circle (the latex) she drew several strands of lines all jumbled up together to signify the latex molecules. All of a sudden, some fella shouted, 'Teacher! Prophase!' The whole class burst into laughter.
Only after this class did I realise how Bio, Chem and Physics were tied together. To begin with, in Physics there are 3 gas laws: Boyle's Law, Charles' Law and Pressure Law. The general formula for this is PV/T. P for Pressure, V for Volume and T for Temperature in Kelvin.
For Boyle's Law, I remembered it by saying, Boyle has a fever, which means Temperature is constant, thus the equation is only PV. For Charles' Law, I said, Charles is under pressure, so you remove P from the equation and you get V/T. The last one left is, naturally, Pressure law.
So in chem class, Mrs Foo was telling us about rate of reaction. Then she went through all the experiments, how Ror increases when total surface area increases, stuff like that. One of it was pressure. When pressure increases, Ror increases. So Hui Yee asked if there was an experiment for that. Mrs Foo answered No, it's just in case they asked for structural. Then we've got our answers ready.
At this moment, the same guy said, 'Teacher, this one got experiment lah!'
Mrs Foo looked taken aback. 'What experiment?'
'Boyle's Law.'
Cheers.
Fasten your seatbelts for the inane story of my life.
With the Christmas cheer in the air, I'm feeling a lot more charitable than I usually am. It's just the little things though, like letting my sister play a game on the laptop after she's tired of studying for her exam, not to mention that I felt guilty for hogging the laptop for the better part of most day and needed to take a break from the radiation that was attacking my tired eyes anyway.
However, I'm starting to feel bored. I can summarise my time spent online with several links: Ashwinder, youtube, tv.com, wikipedia, fanfiction.net and of course, my blog which links me to other people. I'm not very outgoing (although I am, apparently, social) but I'm starting to have cabin fever. And it's very frustrating. So the only way to occupy my time is to work on my story which I have yet to find a proper title for.
Again, it's very frustrating, but I'm making some progress with it. Instead of jumping into it headlong like I used to do, as in putting my characters in the story as though they've been doing this for years, I've decided to use a more natural approach, where they start out together, go through the same courses and training and stuff. There would probably be a lot of cat-fights but there might not. It's just a thought.
Another reason for my frustration is the fact that I don't get to see the friends I want to talk to online. They'll come on a while and then log off, leaving me with a feeling of unsatisfaction. Those who come online are people who can't keep up with me, which is because I use a lot of non sequiturs (which I just recently realised).
Word of the Day: Non sequitur
Meaning: A statement (as a response) that does not follow logically from or is not clearly related to anything previously said.
In Other Words: Random.
Which is weird because I never thought of myself as being random. And besides I've got a touch of OCD, I think. Again, I've recently discovered how bad it was (seems like I've got too much time on my hands to discover stuff about me I knew but never put much thought into about) when I bought a new pencil box and realised that I had too much junk to place everything inside.
So my sis very helpfully commented, 'That should teach you to remove all your junk from your old pencil box. See, my pencil box so empty,' she waved a hand at her own. Which, I had to admit, had nothing more than 3 pens inside. I was impressed, but the effect was spoiled when she grinned cheekily. 'Haha, it's only like this cause the rest of my stuff is on the table.' One look at the table and I cowered at the number of pens and mechanical pencils scattered around. And she complains about my junk.
Since she was so "knowledgable" about stuff like these, I asked her advice on what to put into my new pencil box (yes, I'm lame that way), which turned into me picking out what I wanted and her criticising my choices. After I finished, she waved a hand. 'Then dump everything inside lah.'
I was horrified. 'Cannot! First must put the sharpener on the left side. Then put in the pens and pencils I don't use much, and on top that the ones I use a lot..'
She rolled her eyes. 'What's the point of the "pens and pencils you don't use much" then?'
I stared at her. 'Just in case.'
She gave me another eye roll.
See, I even need to categorise where to place my stationery in my pencil box! I'm that nuts!
Yippee!
On a lighter note, I was talking to my sis about this friend of mine who had texted me saying that he was slowly dying because he liked this girl, who he was getting closer to everyday but he knows he can't have her. My initial reaction was, Drama-nya! When I told my sis, who is an expert at scathing remarks (and I thought I was good, same level lah really, just diff way we express it) 'You should go tell him, I hope you die faster then!' Dunno if you get the joke but it was hilarious when she said it.
Oh, one more thing. In our biology paper 1 for SPM, there was this question where they gave use a picture of a certain stage in cell division and they asked us which stage was it: Prophase, Metaphase, Anaphase or Telophase. It made quite an impact because it was so unclear no one could tell what it was.
Clearly it was still in everybody's mind when we came for our Chem tuition (ref last coupla posts). Mrs Foo was telling us about carbon compounds. It had this sub chapter where they were talking about coagulation of latex. So she drew out the diagram, which consisted of a large circle surrounded by negative ions (electrons) and inside the large circle (the latex) she drew several strands of lines all jumbled up together to signify the latex molecules. All of a sudden, some fella shouted, 'Teacher! Prophase!' The whole class burst into laughter.
Only after this class did I realise how Bio, Chem and Physics were tied together. To begin with, in Physics there are 3 gas laws: Boyle's Law, Charles' Law and Pressure Law. The general formula for this is PV/T. P for Pressure, V for Volume and T for Temperature in Kelvin.
For Boyle's Law, I remembered it by saying, Boyle has a fever, which means Temperature is constant, thus the equation is only PV. For Charles' Law, I said, Charles is under pressure, so you remove P from the equation and you get V/T. The last one left is, naturally, Pressure law.
So in chem class, Mrs Foo was telling us about rate of reaction. Then she went through all the experiments, how Ror increases when total surface area increases, stuff like that. One of it was pressure. When pressure increases, Ror increases. So Hui Yee asked if there was an experiment for that. Mrs Foo answered No, it's just in case they asked for structural. Then we've got our answers ready.
At this moment, the same guy said, 'Teacher, this one got experiment lah!'
Mrs Foo looked taken aback. 'What experiment?'
'Boyle's Law.'
Cheers.
Saturday 12 December 2009
Twelve, Twelve, Two Oh Oh Nine!!
Well, hello.
Alright, just downloaded Internet Explorer 8 so there's a mite change in my computer format and stuff (not that you can see it anyway) and it takes a bit getting used to (no flames from you Mozilla Firefox and such people).
What day is today?
It's my birthday! (Strangely enough, I keep pronouncing it like burf-day instead of birthday).
Yes, well, we went to eat Prosperity burger. Dunno if I'm very sheltered or something, which I think I am, but ever since the Prosperity burger came out ages ago (I think a few years back) I never got the chance to eat it. Yeah, I can hear you people out there saying I sangat outdate punya. Anyway, Mum's always like it so I thought, yeah, worth a try.
Looked at the set - gotta love those curly fries. A bit salty but they're oh-so-yummy. Then I unwrapped the burger and I raised my eyebrow at the excessive amount of black-pepper sauce. 'They very rich ah?' I asked my sis. She shrugged and continued eating.
So I took a bite and Whoosh! Spicy! Excessive pepper. I like black pepper and all but this is really a bit too much. Okay, I don't really like black pepper. I can handle it if it's just a tiny sprinkle but this is just too much lah. Kept inhaling Pepsi down my throat.
We went to Secret Recipe and got some cake for me. Sis had the Chocolate Strawberry while I got the Chocolate Indulgence (2 layers white choc one layer dark) but it's still in the fridge. Gonna eat it tonight and watch Mentalist.
Patrick Jane rocks. Naming my future son after him. Patrick, I mean. Not Jane, heaven forbid.
Well, I'm going off to do some stuffs so I'll leave this here, yeah?
Cheers.
Alright, just downloaded Internet Explorer 8 so there's a mite change in my computer format and stuff (not that you can see it anyway) and it takes a bit getting used to (no flames from you Mozilla Firefox and such people).
What day is today?
It's my birthday! (Strangely enough, I keep pronouncing it like burf-day instead of birthday).
Yes, well, we went to eat Prosperity burger. Dunno if I'm very sheltered or something, which I think I am, but ever since the Prosperity burger came out ages ago (I think a few years back) I never got the chance to eat it. Yeah, I can hear you people out there saying I sangat outdate punya. Anyway, Mum's always like it so I thought, yeah, worth a try.
Looked at the set - gotta love those curly fries. A bit salty but they're oh-so-yummy. Then I unwrapped the burger and I raised my eyebrow at the excessive amount of black-pepper sauce. 'They very rich ah?' I asked my sis. She shrugged and continued eating.
So I took a bite and Whoosh! Spicy! Excessive pepper. I like black pepper and all but this is really a bit too much. Okay, I don't really like black pepper. I can handle it if it's just a tiny sprinkle but this is just too much lah. Kept inhaling Pepsi down my throat.
We went to Secret Recipe and got some cake for me. Sis had the Chocolate Strawberry while I got the Chocolate Indulgence (2 layers white choc one layer dark) but it's still in the fridge. Gonna eat it tonight and watch Mentalist.
Patrick Jane rocks. Naming my future son after him. Patrick, I mean. Not Jane, heaven forbid.
Well, I'm going off to do some stuffs so I'll leave this here, yeah?
Cheers.
Sunday 6 December 2009
Venting and Tuition
I'm not in a good mood today so let me vent without judging.
I hate people online who add me as a friend without even speaking to me. Don't quite understand? Let me give you a hint. I came online today and after weeks of eschewing Facebook, I finally logged in. Noticing the 2 new friend request on the sidebar I clicked on it to check it out. Two pictures came out and I felt like screaming.
The two people who just added me? They're not my friends at all. Yes, I understand we shouldn't judge and all that, that we must be friends with everyone, but seriously, these two people are two of the many schoolmates I've known by name only since Form 1 and have barely spoken ten sentences to them. Then, all of a sudden, they show up for a friend request.
I'm sorry if I'm breaking someone's heart but I get annoyed because I don't even know them. It irks me, really, that these people take stuff like friendship so lightly. Isn't it supposed to be some sacred bond? Now it seems like the "Add ___ As Your Friend" button is for people who think that, Yeah, we've been in the same school for years, I know who she is, that automatically makes her my friend.
A loud, resounding No is my answer.
You might think I'm thinking too much, reading too much in some harmless gesture, and maybe I am, but my mind can't stop analysing and criticising everything I come across. And so I will now take it one step further.
I will push the 'Ignore All' button that will clear my Facebook profile from all those annoying notices. Yes, including the two not-friends request, 1 group invitation, 6 page fan requests, and 100 applications.
It's done.
On a lighter note, we had our Chemistry tuition yesterday. It was from 10 am to 4 pm and it was long, but I managed to stay fresh, unlike certain people who had to chew gum to stay awake. (hehe, Wendy, that's you.)(No, Lou, it's not our Wendy, this is Wendy from BU4)
Was the first person to arrive. Was actually really scared I'd get there late cause Mrs Foo was combining both her Tuesday and Wednesday classes and I wanted to get a good seat. It was held in our Physics tuition class so I took my normal place.
Had a good start. She used two hours to go through Form 4 work, and there was a bit where she got a bit confused or something when she came to Salts, I think, cause she made a mistake.
Mrs Foo: Now, Zinc. Yellow when hot, white when cold. What about Lead?
It was brown when hot and yellow when cold, which was what the class was yelling. Maybe it was a bit of foot-in-mouth disease due to large number of students, but Mrs Foo said:
'Lead is brown when yellow.'
So the whole class, predictably, started laughing. Then it was nearing 12 o' clock, which was the time she let us off for a one and a half hours lunch break, when she asked us if there were any questions. Behind me, Elaine was murmuring,
'When we can go for lunch?'
So yeah, in the end we weren't sure where to lunch, so we followed the rest of the class down the stairs before we decided. Elaine and I talked about calling delivery, but she said she didn't want to eat McD. She told us of a newly-opened A&W instead, so we made our way there.
Initially it was me, Montri, Ben, Candice, Elaine and Wendy who were going, but TiMi and Kai Hsiang (did I spell his name right? And yes it's TiMi = Tim and Michelle) were a bit lost as to where to lunch so they tagged along. C, E and W got caught up in some clothes shop we walked past and went in. We weren't sure whether to wait for them or not but like Tim said, 'Like the pirates, whoever stays behind gets left behind!' we left them there and went on to A&W.
I hate people online who add me as a friend without even speaking to me. Don't quite understand? Let me give you a hint. I came online today and after weeks of eschewing Facebook, I finally logged in. Noticing the 2 new friend request on the sidebar I clicked on it to check it out. Two pictures came out and I felt like screaming.
The two people who just added me? They're not my friends at all. Yes, I understand we shouldn't judge and all that, that we must be friends with everyone, but seriously, these two people are two of the many schoolmates I've known by name only since Form 1 and have barely spoken ten sentences to them. Then, all of a sudden, they show up for a friend request.
I'm sorry if I'm breaking someone's heart but I get annoyed because I don't even know them. It irks me, really, that these people take stuff like friendship so lightly. Isn't it supposed to be some sacred bond? Now it seems like the "Add ___ As Your Friend" button is for people who think that, Yeah, we've been in the same school for years, I know who she is, that automatically makes her my friend.
A loud, resounding No is my answer.
You might think I'm thinking too much, reading too much in some harmless gesture, and maybe I am, but my mind can't stop analysing and criticising everything I come across. And so I will now take it one step further.
I will push the 'Ignore All' button that will clear my Facebook profile from all those annoying notices. Yes, including the two not-friends request, 1 group invitation, 6 page fan requests, and 100 applications.
It's done.
On a lighter note, we had our Chemistry tuition yesterday. It was from 10 am to 4 pm and it was long, but I managed to stay fresh, unlike certain people who had to chew gum to stay awake. (hehe, Wendy, that's you.)(No, Lou, it's not our Wendy, this is Wendy from BU4)
Was the first person to arrive. Was actually really scared I'd get there late cause Mrs Foo was combining both her Tuesday and Wednesday classes and I wanted to get a good seat. It was held in our Physics tuition class so I took my normal place.
Had a good start. She used two hours to go through Form 4 work, and there was a bit where she got a bit confused or something when she came to Salts, I think, cause she made a mistake.
Mrs Foo: Now, Zinc. Yellow when hot, white when cold. What about Lead?
It was brown when hot and yellow when cold, which was what the class was yelling. Maybe it was a bit of foot-in-mouth disease due to large number of students, but Mrs Foo said:
'Lead is brown when yellow.'
So the whole class, predictably, started laughing. Then it was nearing 12 o' clock, which was the time she let us off for a one and a half hours lunch break, when she asked us if there were any questions. Behind me, Elaine was murmuring,
'When we can go for lunch?'
So yeah, in the end we weren't sure where to lunch, so we followed the rest of the class down the stairs before we decided. Elaine and I talked about calling delivery, but she said she didn't want to eat McD. She told us of a newly-opened A&W instead, so we made our way there.
Initially it was me, Montri, Ben, Candice, Elaine and Wendy who were going, but TiMi and Kai Hsiang (did I spell his name right? And yes it's TiMi = Tim and Michelle) were a bit lost as to where to lunch so they tagged along. C, E and W got caught up in some clothes shop we walked past and went in. We weren't sure whether to wait for them or not but like Tim said, 'Like the pirates, whoever stays behind gets left behind!' we left them there and went on to A&W.
Bit hazy with directions but the A&W is in SS2 (duh!) and it's about the same row as the Tai Thong Dim Sum restaurant, opposite Eu Yan Sang. We went into A&W and were debating whether to order set or ala carte when Ben said, 'Order ala carte. I added it up, it's much cheaper than the set.' But I wanted to see what the others were eating so I turned around and asked TiMi and KH. 'Are you guys eating ala carte cause that's what we're having.'
Tim went, 'Huh? Ala carte? What's that?' Then his gf gave a lecture on him about how ala carte was just the item without the set and doesn't he know that? Apparently he's never heard of it before.
Then C, E and W joined us, but C and E said they didn't want to eat fast food so they'll walk around to find something else. Fine, then. Went ahead to order. Swung around to find that TiMi and KH had left as well. Montri was laughing.
'They left cause they no money!' I raised my eyebrow. Montri explained. 'Timothy opened his wallet and showed us he had no money!'
'Ask the gf pay for him lah,' I commented. Montri and Ben were laughing. 'She didn't bring money also. Wanted him to pay.'
Ye-ah.
So in the end it was just me, Montri, Ben and Wendy. And Wendy told us about the time the school called her dad up because she missed the Physics SPM test. Her dad ran frantically into her room and asked if she skipped the test. Turns out that she wanted to drop it but they didn't allow her to, so her HM suggested that she just not attend the test. Weird thing was, the school only called her dad after Paper 1 was over.
So we went back to tuition to find Elaine and Candice (who returned later) to be eating McD. Apparently they went to the market and all they sold there were raw fish and stuff so they had to revert back to McD.
Anyway, was feeling so tired after the whole tuition yesterday but at least it was productive.
Cheers.
Friday 4 December 2009
Exams Woes
Ah, finally! After 3 or so weeks of slaving for the dreaded SPM, I am back to update! I've got about 3-4 days of studying for my final exam which is *ching ching chin* CHEMISTRY!
To quote Lou, I've got chemistry with Chemistry. Oh yeah!
Bimbo moment over. Allow me that brief, fleeting second of insanity. In case you didn't know, SPM is a killer. Not that it's hard or anything (really, I find it easier compared to trials where I butchered my Add Maths) but it's the stress of the whole thing, how SPM is the one that determines your future and all that.
So, first paper: BM1, Sejarah 1 and BM2. I was frantic for BM1. I used my memory palace the day before to memorise 20 plus peribahasa (which I can still recite, I think, if you give me some time--such is the wonder of the memory palace). In the end, I didn't manage to use much of them, so, crossed fingers, hopefully I can get an A. Sejarah was relatively fine, BM 2, I managed to answer all the peribahasa questions! They mayn't be right but at least I (think) know what they were! Hurrah!
Second day was English 1, English 2 and Sejarah 2. English 1 - the essay - was a bit disappointing. I expected something better. The one word title - Beauty - and the story - End with "And we said goodbye and went our separate ways" - irked me. Firstly, the story's ending was shite, to put it politely. It was bound to be some soppy tale about two people meeting up, then realising they weren't meant for each other, and then end with the sentence above. It was so cliched, there wasn't much you could do with it. What else could you say? Then the one word title: Beauty. Melinda did something about feminine beauty, something of the sort, while Erina, being her usual despressing self, had to start with some character's death, who turned out to be her mum, and started talking about the mum's beauty.
I took a leaf out of my sister's book (she did something similar with the same title, just less adjectives and fancy words) and I wrote about this sorceress, Belle, who ruled a country as Queen. It was never said, but implied that at that time the country was weak and tidak maju. So I made her character strong and tough. Modelled her after Katie McGrath as Morgana in Merlin, who, if you haven't seen her picture (check my header), looks eeriely like the black-haired version of Keira Knightley. Really, when I saw her in Merlin my first reaction was, She looks so familiar. She reminds me of...OMG, don't tell me Keira dyed her hair for the show!!!
But no, it was Katie McGrath instead. And don't laugh, but I described Belle as "the product of an encounter with a vampire and Keira Knightley". I kid you not, I actually wrote that in my English SPM essay. The examiner's gonna laugh his ass off. So Belle's rumoured to be some wicked sorceress who rules with an iron fist. And her people call her Bellamorte (loosely translated as Killer of Beauty -- I made that up. Bella, Morte.) because they think that she killed virgins to steal their beauty and thus, forever remain mortal, because, according to them, how could someone with the face of an angel have a heart so black like she does?
"And that is incorrect, ladies and gentlemen!"
See, Belle's misunderstood. She's dark, but she realises that to memajukan her country, she has to establish it as a proud land who will not bow to defeat. Unfortunately, that meant being as evil as possible. It's kind of tough-love-ish, and as I'm tying this, I'm waiting for Miss Louise to call. Oi, what time you calling?
Anyway, the story starts with Ascarth, this tavern keeper who falsely accuses this peasant of stealing wine meant for the Sorceress Belle, and he gets her to throw the poor peasant in jail, even after the peasant begged for mercy, to which our girl replied, 'I value justice more than I value mercy.' But Belle means every word she said, and in the night she kills Ascarth for his wrongdoings, quoting her previous statement as she watched him die.
Up to here it takes up 3 pages, so I continued by saying she gave (anonymously) the tavern's money to the peasant's wife, and continues to rule her country as Iron Lady by day, avenging angel by night. Of course, no one knows about this, so it was only until after her death that people found her journal where she'd dictated everything she did. And people saw her in a new light, and erected statues, and every year there'd be a festival of Beauty, and her tale became the Legend of Beauty....
If it sounds cliched, yeah I know. Lack of inspiration. At least I wrote an out-of-the-box story, instead of people who write facts and what not. Could never stand them. Anyway, Sejarah 2 was a killer, especially in the essay bit where they asked about ciri-ciri Kerajaan Turki Uthmaniyah. I mean, I know a bit but not much and i'd rather not risk it lah. Third day was EST, went well, nothing much. What's there to talk about EST?
Then both Maths papers were relatively OK, same goes for Moral which I could do lah. Add Maths was the one that really got me worried. In case you didn't know, my Add Maths track record isn't exactly straight As. But it turned out relatively fine (note I'm using RELATIVELY).
Then the sciences came about. I needed to do well in Bio if I was going to take Biochemistry, and I found out that Zhuo Liang was planning to take that as well on he was taking his in Form 6 and me in college. Bio was tricky at points but again, relatively good. Physics, even though I wasn't a big fan of it even though I can do well if I study my arse off, was easy compared to Bio. I liked it very much. Now there's one last stop before we hit home free: Chemistry.
Now that academics are over, let's go to the laughs. For started, you wouldn't think that something so serious as SPM could garner laughs, could it? According to my sources from inside Bilik 2 (you know who you are!), things are boring and people pretend to study even though they actually aren't. Dunno if it applies to you but...Mine is Bilik 5 and we're freaking hilarious. I can't quite remember which paper was it, Maths or Add Maths, but everyone came back after the lunch break only to realise that someone was missing.
'Eh,' Examiner checked the name on the slip stuck on the table, 'Mana...Gerald Lim?' Yes, people have trouble pronouncing his name. Then everyone turned around, and the class started buzzing.
'Eh, where's Gerald? Why no one call him? Where he go?'
Class was buzzing like mad. Then the examiner suggested we call his house to check. 'Who is Gerald Lim's best friend?'
The class as one voice shouted, 'Darrel!' Gerald and Darrel sit together in class and everyone knows they're really good friends. Then, Nick Leong decided to start teasing. 'Eh, Darrel. Don't like that lah, dump Gerald like that. He's waiting for you at home you know.' And the whole class erupted into insinuations that Gerald and Darrel were together. Naturally we started laughing like crap, and the laughter increased when Gerald finally showed up. Even the examiner was laughing.
Moment 2. Happened only yesterday. See, I'm really grateful for my pals, and today I decided to tell Chiau Hui how grateful I am to be her friend and all that. I don't usually say stuff like that so it was a bit awkward - always felt like I was confessing my love ala BFG relationships. So in the canteen, I took a deep breath, looked at CH and said, 'Thank you very much for being my friend. I'm sorry for always losing my temper, and I thank you for being so understanding.'
She stared at me, and cried out, 'Are you migrating?' I had this really solemn voice on so I guess that's where she got her ideas. And at this point, I really couldn't resist so I nodded solemnly, and answered: Yes.
'What?' She genuinely looked shocked. 'When are you leaving?'
'Right after SPM in December,' I replied soberly. I was trying hard not to laugh, but it didn't work, so I settled for a I'm-Sorry-it-had-to-be-like-this, understanding sort of smile. That worked like a charm.
'Ha! And you tell me this now! Why can't you tell me after SPM? Now I can't concentrate.' And if you were there, you would've noticed how sad she looked. Really. I felt it. Felt almost guilty. Repeat, almost guilty.
Well, not really. I've got a lack of remorse. So, no, I felt no guilt at all.
We sat down, and she continued bombarding questions. 'Where are you migrating to?' she demanded. I didn't expect that so I fumbled a little bit (she didn't notice though), and crapped out: New Zealand. My relatives just returned from holiday there. Wanted to say Canada or something but my brain got ahead of me.
CH didn't relent. 'When you leaving?'
'On my birthday.' I even managed to inject some reluctance in my voice, like how much I didn't want to leave. Then her brow furrowed. 'I thought you were working for your mum on that day.' Yeah, helping out my mum for some sale thingy.
'Yeah I am,' I said deliberately. I could almost see the cogs in her head, piecing it together, and then... 'You're not migrating, are you?'
Smiling at her, 'Nope.' And got a whack on my arm for that. I was laughing though. She honestly thought I was migrating, and she was scolding me about that, but hey, at least it brought a bit of levity. Then I decided to do the same to Miss Erina, so I walked up to her, and used my solemn, someone-has-died voice and repeated what I told CH. Being the depressing girl she is (like I mentioned earlier), Erina gripped me by the shoulders (really!) and asked, 'Are you dying? You're not dying are you? You sound like you're dying. Don't die!' she wailed. OKlah, not wailed, but you get the point.
Then I was like, 'No I'm migrating.' That took her by genuine surprise. Her eyes widened. 'Seriously?' I nodded. 'Where to?' 'New Zealand.' She broke into a smile. 'Hey, when I migrate over I can see you.' Yes, she's most likely migrating to NZ after college or SPM. I nodded and smiled. Forgot what happened next, but then she turned at me and said. 'You're not migrating, are you?'
'No.' I replied cheekily. Don't mean to brag, but felt proud, really, taking them in. Erina gave a noise that was half-laugh, half-exasperated and she clutched her book. 'I should whack you lah.'
OK, number three. As you know, Physics paper 3, for the experiment bit, one was about the number of weights and the spring, which I looked at and was like, okay, can do, but let's see the other one first. Then I flipped the page, and KABOOM! It was solenoid! It was about, when the current increases the strength of magnetic field increases and the experiment was something about using a solenoid and a soft iron core to create a temp. magnet to attract pins.
Well, I didn't focus much on this experiment, only flipped through, because it already came out for my trials (for which I got full marks on that bit) and I thought to myself, Can lightning strike twice? Apparently it can. So I was smiling all the way when I did the question. Afterwards, Erina confided that she had a feeling that the solenoid would come out again. In case you didn't know, for trials Erina randomly flipped a page in her Physics book and studied the experiment on the page moments before the exam. That particular experiment was the solenoid experiment. So Erina told Candice that if solenoid came out again for SPM, she would kiss the floor.
Naturally after that announcement, Candice and I immediately pestered her to kiss the floor. Erina protested by saying too dirty, must use Dettol to clean first. I pulled out my Dettol sanitiser. She looked shocked. 'Ha, serious ah?' Well, duh! Then we compromised by having her kiss the table, and she agreed, but she took one look at the name on the slip, recoiled in something between dislike and disgust (Yerr, it's Montri's table!) and moved onto the next one. In the end she kissed the back of Melinda's chair, but Candice and I weren't really satisfied.
Now the best for last. Jo and I were staying back during the 4-hour break between Add Maths 1 and 2. Stupidly enough, I checked my schedule not realising that we have 4 hours break, and I didn't want to go to my cousin's place so I stayed in school. Then turns out the canteen didn't provide lunch, so after worrying a while, I called Dad and he turned up with our orders for McDs! Jo came down with me to get the food, and everyone was looking envious. JY even got someone to send him Burger King!
So after lunch, Jo and I retreated to the outside of my Bilik 5, where it was quiet since no one was around. We chatted, and then he took a nap while I went through my Add maths. Then we got bored and started walking back to the badminton court. We met Xin Wei and Candice at the Co-op and sat down on the chairs, me next to Jo, Xin Wei next to Candice. Afterwards, XY and C stood up trying to balance themselves on the step, and Montri came over and plonked down on the bench, head in Jo's lap! We were laughing so hard when Giselle, Alicia and Phei Fang saw us and came over. We started talking with Montri closing his eyes while Jo motioned silently for a pair of scissors.
Which was rather appropriate as at this moment, Alicia was talking about chopping off her long hair for a shorter do. Fang had scissors ready and passed them to XW, who passed them (exaggerated) silently to me to pass to Jo. Jo motioned to me to cut Montri's hair which I refused. Then there was a silent, motion-only argument between us until Jo took the scissors. And all these time we were actually keeping up the conversation as if nothing was happening.
Alicia buried her face and said, 'I can't bear to watch.'
'Watch what?' Montri piped up. 'Cutting her hair off,' Jo replied smoothly, slicing off a bit of his hair. He did it quite a bit, only tiny snips that don't really make a difference, and Montri never knew. In between we cracked quips about how Jo could be a barber next time, and the Thai boy never knew a thing!
Then XW wanted in on the fun, and she took the scissors. Believe me, it was quite a feat keeping up talking while we watched the proceedings.
Then Montri started to wonder why everyone wasn't talking as much (too busy watching the hair-snipping with bated breath) and he swept a hand through his hair the same moment XW snipped a lock of hair. Naturally, his hands touched the scissors and he sprang up and everyone was laughing like shit.
He started spewing expletives while Jo brushed the hair from his pants. It was all cool though; you couldn't really tell if his hair was cut or not.
Well, laughs all around. But I need to sleep. Got revision tuition tomorrow for the whole day so I'll catch you guys around yeah. Thank you Ben for helping me calm down before BM by saying, "What's the point of studying so hard if you're too stressed to pick up the pencil?" and "Not studying a while won't kill you." Thanks very much.
Alright, then.
Cheers.
To quote Lou, I've got chemistry with Chemistry. Oh yeah!
Bimbo moment over. Allow me that brief, fleeting second of insanity. In case you didn't know, SPM is a killer. Not that it's hard or anything (really, I find it easier compared to trials where I butchered my Add Maths) but it's the stress of the whole thing, how SPM is the one that determines your future and all that.
So, first paper: BM1, Sejarah 1 and BM2. I was frantic for BM1. I used my memory palace the day before to memorise 20 plus peribahasa (which I can still recite, I think, if you give me some time--such is the wonder of the memory palace). In the end, I didn't manage to use much of them, so, crossed fingers, hopefully I can get an A. Sejarah was relatively fine, BM 2, I managed to answer all the peribahasa questions! They mayn't be right but at least I (think) know what they were! Hurrah!
Second day was English 1, English 2 and Sejarah 2. English 1 - the essay - was a bit disappointing. I expected something better. The one word title - Beauty - and the story - End with "And we said goodbye and went our separate ways" - irked me. Firstly, the story's ending was shite, to put it politely. It was bound to be some soppy tale about two people meeting up, then realising they weren't meant for each other, and then end with the sentence above. It was so cliched, there wasn't much you could do with it. What else could you say? Then the one word title: Beauty. Melinda did something about feminine beauty, something of the sort, while Erina, being her usual despressing self, had to start with some character's death, who turned out to be her mum, and started talking about the mum's beauty.
I took a leaf out of my sister's book (she did something similar with the same title, just less adjectives and fancy words) and I wrote about this sorceress, Belle, who ruled a country as Queen. It was never said, but implied that at that time the country was weak and tidak maju. So I made her character strong and tough. Modelled her after Katie McGrath as Morgana in Merlin, who, if you haven't seen her picture (check my header), looks eeriely like the black-haired version of Keira Knightley. Really, when I saw her in Merlin my first reaction was, She looks so familiar. She reminds me of...OMG, don't tell me Keira dyed her hair for the show!!!
But no, it was Katie McGrath instead. And don't laugh, but I described Belle as "the product of an encounter with a vampire and Keira Knightley". I kid you not, I actually wrote that in my English SPM essay. The examiner's gonna laugh his ass off. So Belle's rumoured to be some wicked sorceress who rules with an iron fist. And her people call her Bellamorte (loosely translated as Killer of Beauty -- I made that up. Bella, Morte.) because they think that she killed virgins to steal their beauty and thus, forever remain mortal, because, according to them, how could someone with the face of an angel have a heart so black like she does?
"And that is incorrect, ladies and gentlemen!"
See, Belle's misunderstood. She's dark, but she realises that to memajukan her country, she has to establish it as a proud land who will not bow to defeat. Unfortunately, that meant being as evil as possible. It's kind of tough-love-ish, and as I'm tying this, I'm waiting for Miss Louise to call. Oi, what time you calling?
Anyway, the story starts with Ascarth, this tavern keeper who falsely accuses this peasant of stealing wine meant for the Sorceress Belle, and he gets her to throw the poor peasant in jail, even after the peasant begged for mercy, to which our girl replied, 'I value justice more than I value mercy.' But Belle means every word she said, and in the night she kills Ascarth for his wrongdoings, quoting her previous statement as she watched him die.
Up to here it takes up 3 pages, so I continued by saying she gave (anonymously) the tavern's money to the peasant's wife, and continues to rule her country as Iron Lady by day, avenging angel by night. Of course, no one knows about this, so it was only until after her death that people found her journal where she'd dictated everything she did. And people saw her in a new light, and erected statues, and every year there'd be a festival of Beauty, and her tale became the Legend of Beauty....
If it sounds cliched, yeah I know. Lack of inspiration. At least I wrote an out-of-the-box story, instead of people who write facts and what not. Could never stand them. Anyway, Sejarah 2 was a killer, especially in the essay bit where they asked about ciri-ciri Kerajaan Turki Uthmaniyah. I mean, I know a bit but not much and i'd rather not risk it lah. Third day was EST, went well, nothing much. What's there to talk about EST?
Then both Maths papers were relatively OK, same goes for Moral which I could do lah. Add Maths was the one that really got me worried. In case you didn't know, my Add Maths track record isn't exactly straight As. But it turned out relatively fine (note I'm using RELATIVELY).
Then the sciences came about. I needed to do well in Bio if I was going to take Biochemistry, and I found out that Zhuo Liang was planning to take that as well on he was taking his in Form 6 and me in college. Bio was tricky at points but again, relatively good. Physics, even though I wasn't a big fan of it even though I can do well if I study my arse off, was easy compared to Bio. I liked it very much. Now there's one last stop before we hit home free: Chemistry.
Now that academics are over, let's go to the laughs. For started, you wouldn't think that something so serious as SPM could garner laughs, could it? According to my sources from inside Bilik 2 (you know who you are!), things are boring and people pretend to study even though they actually aren't. Dunno if it applies to you but...Mine is Bilik 5 and we're freaking hilarious. I can't quite remember which paper was it, Maths or Add Maths, but everyone came back after the lunch break only to realise that someone was missing.
'Eh,' Examiner checked the name on the slip stuck on the table, 'Mana...Gerald Lim?' Yes, people have trouble pronouncing his name. Then everyone turned around, and the class started buzzing.
'Eh, where's Gerald? Why no one call him? Where he go?'
Class was buzzing like mad. Then the examiner suggested we call his house to check. 'Who is Gerald Lim's best friend?'
The class as one voice shouted, 'Darrel!' Gerald and Darrel sit together in class and everyone knows they're really good friends. Then, Nick Leong decided to start teasing. 'Eh, Darrel. Don't like that lah, dump Gerald like that. He's waiting for you at home you know.' And the whole class erupted into insinuations that Gerald and Darrel were together. Naturally we started laughing like crap, and the laughter increased when Gerald finally showed up. Even the examiner was laughing.
Moment 2. Happened only yesterday. See, I'm really grateful for my pals, and today I decided to tell Chiau Hui how grateful I am to be her friend and all that. I don't usually say stuff like that so it was a bit awkward - always felt like I was confessing my love ala BFG relationships. So in the canteen, I took a deep breath, looked at CH and said, 'Thank you very much for being my friend. I'm sorry for always losing my temper, and I thank you for being so understanding.'
She stared at me, and cried out, 'Are you migrating?' I had this really solemn voice on so I guess that's where she got her ideas. And at this point, I really couldn't resist so I nodded solemnly, and answered: Yes.
'What?' She genuinely looked shocked. 'When are you leaving?'
'Right after SPM in December,' I replied soberly. I was trying hard not to laugh, but it didn't work, so I settled for a I'm-Sorry-it-had-to-be-like-this, understanding sort of smile. That worked like a charm.
'Ha! And you tell me this now! Why can't you tell me after SPM? Now I can't concentrate.' And if you were there, you would've noticed how sad she looked. Really. I felt it. Felt almost guilty. Repeat, almost guilty.
Well, not really. I've got a lack of remorse. So, no, I felt no guilt at all.
We sat down, and she continued bombarding questions. 'Where are you migrating to?' she demanded. I didn't expect that so I fumbled a little bit (she didn't notice though), and crapped out: New Zealand. My relatives just returned from holiday there. Wanted to say Canada or something but my brain got ahead of me.
CH didn't relent. 'When you leaving?'
'On my birthday.' I even managed to inject some reluctance in my voice, like how much I didn't want to leave. Then her brow furrowed. 'I thought you were working for your mum on that day.' Yeah, helping out my mum for some sale thingy.
'Yeah I am,' I said deliberately. I could almost see the cogs in her head, piecing it together, and then... 'You're not migrating, are you?'
Smiling at her, 'Nope.' And got a whack on my arm for that. I was laughing though. She honestly thought I was migrating, and she was scolding me about that, but hey, at least it brought a bit of levity. Then I decided to do the same to Miss Erina, so I walked up to her, and used my solemn, someone-has-died voice and repeated what I told CH. Being the depressing girl she is (like I mentioned earlier), Erina gripped me by the shoulders (really!) and asked, 'Are you dying? You're not dying are you? You sound like you're dying. Don't die!' she wailed. OKlah, not wailed, but you get the point.
Then I was like, 'No I'm migrating.' That took her by genuine surprise. Her eyes widened. 'Seriously?' I nodded. 'Where to?' 'New Zealand.' She broke into a smile. 'Hey, when I migrate over I can see you.' Yes, she's most likely migrating to NZ after college or SPM. I nodded and smiled. Forgot what happened next, but then she turned at me and said. 'You're not migrating, are you?'
'No.' I replied cheekily. Don't mean to brag, but felt proud, really, taking them in. Erina gave a noise that was half-laugh, half-exasperated and she clutched her book. 'I should whack you lah.'
OK, number three. As you know, Physics paper 3, for the experiment bit, one was about the number of weights and the spring, which I looked at and was like, okay, can do, but let's see the other one first. Then I flipped the page, and KABOOM! It was solenoid! It was about, when the current increases the strength of magnetic field increases and the experiment was something about using a solenoid and a soft iron core to create a temp. magnet to attract pins.
Well, I didn't focus much on this experiment, only flipped through, because it already came out for my trials (for which I got full marks on that bit) and I thought to myself, Can lightning strike twice? Apparently it can. So I was smiling all the way when I did the question. Afterwards, Erina confided that she had a feeling that the solenoid would come out again. In case you didn't know, for trials Erina randomly flipped a page in her Physics book and studied the experiment on the page moments before the exam. That particular experiment was the solenoid experiment. So Erina told Candice that if solenoid came out again for SPM, she would kiss the floor.
Naturally after that announcement, Candice and I immediately pestered her to kiss the floor. Erina protested by saying too dirty, must use Dettol to clean first. I pulled out my Dettol sanitiser. She looked shocked. 'Ha, serious ah?' Well, duh! Then we compromised by having her kiss the table, and she agreed, but she took one look at the name on the slip, recoiled in something between dislike and disgust (Yerr, it's Montri's table!) and moved onto the next one. In the end she kissed the back of Melinda's chair, but Candice and I weren't really satisfied.
Now the best for last. Jo and I were staying back during the 4-hour break between Add Maths 1 and 2. Stupidly enough, I checked my schedule not realising that we have 4 hours break, and I didn't want to go to my cousin's place so I stayed in school. Then turns out the canteen didn't provide lunch, so after worrying a while, I called Dad and he turned up with our orders for McDs! Jo came down with me to get the food, and everyone was looking envious. JY even got someone to send him Burger King!
So after lunch, Jo and I retreated to the outside of my Bilik 5, where it was quiet since no one was around. We chatted, and then he took a nap while I went through my Add maths. Then we got bored and started walking back to the badminton court. We met Xin Wei and Candice at the Co-op and sat down on the chairs, me next to Jo, Xin Wei next to Candice. Afterwards, XY and C stood up trying to balance themselves on the step, and Montri came over and plonked down on the bench, head in Jo's lap! We were laughing so hard when Giselle, Alicia and Phei Fang saw us and came over. We started talking with Montri closing his eyes while Jo motioned silently for a pair of scissors.
Which was rather appropriate as at this moment, Alicia was talking about chopping off her long hair for a shorter do. Fang had scissors ready and passed them to XW, who passed them (exaggerated) silently to me to pass to Jo. Jo motioned to me to cut Montri's hair which I refused. Then there was a silent, motion-only argument between us until Jo took the scissors. And all these time we were actually keeping up the conversation as if nothing was happening.
Alicia buried her face and said, 'I can't bear to watch.'
'Watch what?' Montri piped up. 'Cutting her hair off,' Jo replied smoothly, slicing off a bit of his hair. He did it quite a bit, only tiny snips that don't really make a difference, and Montri never knew. In between we cracked quips about how Jo could be a barber next time, and the Thai boy never knew a thing!
Then XW wanted in on the fun, and she took the scissors. Believe me, it was quite a feat keeping up talking while we watched the proceedings.
Then Montri started to wonder why everyone wasn't talking as much (too busy watching the hair-snipping with bated breath) and he swept a hand through his hair the same moment XW snipped a lock of hair. Naturally, his hands touched the scissors and he sprang up and everyone was laughing like shit.
He started spewing expletives while Jo brushed the hair from his pants. It was all cool though; you couldn't really tell if his hair was cut or not.
Well, laughs all around. But I need to sleep. Got revision tuition tomorrow for the whole day so I'll catch you guys around yeah. Thank you Ben for helping me calm down before BM by saying, "What's the point of studying so hard if you're too stressed to pick up the pencil?" and "Not studying a while won't kill you." Thanks very much.
Alright, then.
Cheers.
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