She looked up at the ceiling, lost in her thoughts as the storm outside grew in intensity. The canvas hammock underneath her did nothing to dispell the fears she still had, nor the nightmares that plagued her. Her left arm was folded under her head, and she had covered herself with a silk quilt made for her by a friend of her mother's.
Looking to her left, she took in the sight of the canopied four poster. With its cream colored sheets and pillows with black accents, it looked extremely Parisian and inviting, but she couldn't. She couldn't bring herself to sleep in that bed. She hadn't slept there for quite a while. Against the flash of lightning, it looked formal, something out of an eighteenth century novel.
Bookshelves filled the room, and she smiled. Books were her first love, her first friends. It was they that opened her mind to different countries and places, different dimensions. And it was them that kept her sane in her time of insanity.
Picking up the book that was on the broad window sill right next to the hammock, she brushed a finger over the leather covering. It had been a present from the one she loved most, knowing how she wrote down story notes in various notebooks she'd recycled from her old exercise books. She was given the best present ever - a moleskine notebook encased with a waterproof layer, with her initials stamped onto the spine.
It became too much for her, and with a final look, she cried.
Wednesday, 19 November 2008
Rogue Spy? NOT....
Ok people if you've been listening - I highly doubt that - do not under any circumstances play Rogue Spy is my advice to you. Take it or leave it, if you want to know it's very boring.
Or perhaps I'd logged in when everyone else - yes, everyone else - wasn't online. But it is stupid. Because I made two accounts, one Lauren Fox one Guinevere, and guess what, I tried to play some cipher thing where you had to unscramble the letters to figure out a spy-related word. The first letter of the word was highlighted with a yellow box. This was that they gave me:
[S]SL
And you tell me, what kind of word could I possibly spell out based on that? So I tembak-ed. Again, again, and again. On my third try, they said - DUNDUN! You have failed the attempt. The correct word is Ssl. [wth you ask me is that? Guess what, I don't know. 8 (] Since you could not decipher the word, you are caught by the police and will now go to jail.
Or something or other to that effect.
And my character went to jail. Which was why I created a second account to bust it out of jail. But nooo, my second charac had to get caught so I got both of them stuck in jail and after numerous times, I managed to bust myself out.
It was boring. Seriously. Don't play the game or I'll disown you forever. But, no pressure.
Or perhaps I'd logged in when everyone else - yes, everyone else - wasn't online. But it is stupid. Because I made two accounts, one Lauren Fox one Guinevere, and guess what, I tried to play some cipher thing where you had to unscramble the letters to figure out a spy-related word. The first letter of the word was highlighted with a yellow box. This was that they gave me:
[S]SL
And you tell me, what kind of word could I possibly spell out based on that? So I tembak-ed. Again, again, and again. On my third try, they said - DUNDUN! You have failed the attempt. The correct word is Ssl. [wth you ask me is that? Guess what, I don't know. 8 (] Since you could not decipher the word, you are caught by the police and will now go to jail.
Or something or other to that effect.
And my character went to jail. Which was why I created a second account to bust it out of jail. But nooo, my second charac had to get caught so I got both of them stuck in jail and after numerous times, I managed to bust myself out.
It was boring. Seriously. Don't play the game or I'll disown you forever. But, no pressure.
Rogue Spy?
Ok I just joined this online role-playing game of some sort. I Have no idea what I just did. Registered under username Lauren Fox. Look me up if you can and help me with the madness.
Friday, 14 November 2008
Something I Saw...
January:
Stubborn and hard-hearted. Ambitious and serious. Loves to teach and be taught. Always looking at people's flaws and weaknesses. Likes to criticize. Hardworking and productive. Smart, neat and organized. Sensitive and has deep thoughts. Knows how to make others happy. Quiet unless excited or tensed. Rather reserved. Highly attentive. Resistant to illnesses but prone to colds. Romantic but has difficulties expressing love. Loves children. Loyal. Has great social abilities yet easily jealous. Very stubborn and money cautious.
February:
Abstract thoughts. Loves reality and abstract. Intelligent and clever. Changing personality. Attractive. Sexy. Temperamental. Quiet, shy and humble. Honest and loyal. Determined to reach goals. Loves freedom. Rebellious when restricted. Loves aggressiveness. Too sensitive and easily hurt. Gets angry really easily but does not show it. Dislikes unnecessary things. Loves making friends but rarely shows it. Daring and stubborn Ambitious. Realizes dreams and hopes. Sharp. Loves entertainment and leisure. Romantic on the inside not outside. Superstitious and ludicrous. Spendthrift. Tries to learn to show emotions.
March:
Attractive personality. Sexy. Affectionate. Shy and reserved. Secretive. Naturally honest, generous and sympathetic. Loves peace and serenity. Sensitive to others. Loves to serve others. Easily angered. Trustworthy. Appreciative and returns kindness. Observant and assesses others. Revengeful. Loves to dream and fantasize. Loves travelling. Loves attention. Hasty decisions in choosing partners. Loves home decors. Musically talented. Loves special things. Moody.
APRIL:
Active and dynamic. Decisive and hasty but tends to regret. Attractive and affectionate to oneself. Strong mentality. Loves attention. Diplomatic. Consoling, friendly and solves people's problems. Brave and fearless. Adventurous. Loving and caring. Suave and generous. Emotional. Aggressive. Hasty. Good memory. Moving. Motivates oneself and others. Sickness usually of the head and chest. Sexy in a way that only their lover can see.
May:
Stubborn and hard-hearted. Strong-willed and highly motivated. Sharp thoughts. Easily angered. Attracts others and loves attention. Deep feelings. Beautiful physically and mentally. Firm Standpoint. Needs no motivation. Easily consoled. Systematic (left brain). Loves to dream. Strong clairvoyance. Understanding. Sickness usually in the ear and neck. Good imagination. Good physical. Weak breathing. Loves literature and the arts. Loves travelling. Dislike being at home. Restless. Not having many children. Hardworking. High spirited. Spendthrift.
June:
Thinks far with vision. Easily influenced by kindness. Polite and soft-spoken. Having ideas. Sensitive. Active mind. Hesitating, tends to delay. Choosy and always wants the best. Temperamental. Funny and humorous. Loves to joke. Good debating skills.Talk active. Daydreamer. Friendly. Knows how to make friends. Able to show character. Easily hurt. Prone to getting colds. Loves to dress up. Easily bored. Fussy. Seldom shows emotions. Takes time to recover when hurt. Brand conscious. Executive. Stubborn.
July:
Fun to be with. Secretive. Difficult to fathom and to be understood. Quiet unless excited or tensed. Takes pride in oneself. Has reputation. Easily consoled. Honest. Concerned about people's feelings. Tactful. Friendly. Approachable. Emotional temperamental and unpredictable. Moody and easily hurt. Witty and sparkly. Not revengeful. Forgiving but never forgets. Dislikes nonsensical and unnecessary things. Guides others physically and mentally. Sensitive and forms impressions carefully. Caring and loving. Treats others equally. Strong sense of sympathy. Wary and sharp. Judges people through observations. Hardworking. No difficulties in studying. Loves to be alone. Always broods about the past and the old friends. Likes to be quiet. Homely person. Waits for friends. Never looks for friends. Not aggressive unless provoked. Prone to having stomach and dieting problems. Loves to be loved. Easily hurt but takes long to recover.
AUGUST:
Loves to joke. Attractive. Suave and caring. Brave and fearless. Firm and has leadership qualities. Knows how to console others. Too generous and egoistic. Takes high pride in oneself. Thirsty for praises. Extraordinary spirit. Easily angered. Angry when provoked. Easily jealous. Observant. Careful and cautious. Thinks quickly. Independent thoughts. Loves to lead and to be led. Loves to dream. Talented in the arts, music and defense. Sensitive but not petty. Poor resistance against illnesses. Learns to relax. Hasty and trusty. Romantic. Loving and caring. Loves to make friends.
September:
Suave and compromising. Careful, cautious and organized. Likes to point out people's mistakes. Likes to criticize. Stubborn. Quiet but able to talk well. Calm and cool. Kind and sympathetic. Concerned and detailed. Loyal but not always honest. Does work well. Very confident. Sensitive. Good memory. Clever and knowledgeable. Loves to look for information. Must control oneself when criticizing. Able to motivate oneself. Understanding. Fun to be around. Secretive. Loves leisure and traveling. Hardly shows emotions. Tends to bottle up feelings. Very choosy, especially in relationships. Systematic.
October:
Loves to chat. Loves those who loves them. Loves to take things at the center. Inner and physical beauty. Lies but doesn't pretend. Gets angry often. Treats friends importantly. Always making friends. Easily hurt but recovers easily. Daydreamer. Opinionated. Does not care of what others think. Emotional. Decisive. Strong clairvoyance. Loves to travel, the arts and literature. Touchy and easily jealous. Concerned. Loves outdoors. Just and fair. Spendthrift. Easily influenced. Easily loses confidence. Loves children.
November:
Has a lot of ideas. Difficult to fathom. Thinks forward. Unique and brilliant. Extraordinary ideas. Sharp thinking. Fine and strong clairvoyance. Can become good doctors. Dynamic in personality. Secretive. Inquisitive. Knows how to dig secrets. Always thinking. Less talkative but amiable. Brave and generous. Patient. Stubborn and hard-hearted. If there is a will, there is a way. Determined. Never give up. Hardly becomes angry unless provoked. Loves to be alone. Thinks differently from others. Sharp-minded. Motivates oneself. Does not appreciate praises. High-spirited. Well-built and tough. Deep love and emotions. Romantic. Uncertain in relationships. Homely. Hardworking. High abilities. Trustworthy. Honest and keeps secrets. Not able to control emotions. Unpredictable.
December:
Loyal and generous. Sexy. Patriotic. Active in games and interactions. Impatient and hasty. Ambitious. Influential in organizations. Fun to be with. Loves to socialize. Loves praises. Loves attention. Loves to be loved. Honest and trustworthy. Not pretending. Short tempered. Changing personality. Not egotistic. Take high pride in oneself. Hates restrictions. Loves to joke. Good sense of humor.
Uh, okay.... all are quite true...except maybe the "sexy" part? And I'm ambitioua, but not that ambitious. Yes, I admit, I love attention. What's "Egotistic?" Besides that, everything else is quite true.
Stubborn and hard-hearted. Ambitious and serious. Loves to teach and be taught. Always looking at people's flaws and weaknesses. Likes to criticize. Hardworking and productive. Smart, neat and organized. Sensitive and has deep thoughts. Knows how to make others happy. Quiet unless excited or tensed. Rather reserved. Highly attentive. Resistant to illnesses but prone to colds. Romantic but has difficulties expressing love. Loves children. Loyal. Has great social abilities yet easily jealous. Very stubborn and money cautious.
February:
Abstract thoughts. Loves reality and abstract. Intelligent and clever. Changing personality. Attractive. Sexy. Temperamental. Quiet, shy and humble. Honest and loyal. Determined to reach goals. Loves freedom. Rebellious when restricted. Loves aggressiveness. Too sensitive and easily hurt. Gets angry really easily but does not show it. Dislikes unnecessary things. Loves making friends but rarely shows it. Daring and stubborn Ambitious. Realizes dreams and hopes. Sharp. Loves entertainment and leisure. Romantic on the inside not outside. Superstitious and ludicrous. Spendthrift. Tries to learn to show emotions.
March:
Attractive personality. Sexy. Affectionate. Shy and reserved. Secretive. Naturally honest, generous and sympathetic. Loves peace and serenity. Sensitive to others. Loves to serve others. Easily angered. Trustworthy. Appreciative and returns kindness. Observant and assesses others. Revengeful. Loves to dream and fantasize. Loves travelling. Loves attention. Hasty decisions in choosing partners. Loves home decors. Musically talented. Loves special things. Moody.
APRIL:
Active and dynamic. Decisive and hasty but tends to regret. Attractive and affectionate to oneself. Strong mentality. Loves attention. Diplomatic. Consoling, friendly and solves people's problems. Brave and fearless. Adventurous. Loving and caring. Suave and generous. Emotional. Aggressive. Hasty. Good memory. Moving. Motivates oneself and others. Sickness usually of the head and chest. Sexy in a way that only their lover can see.
May:
Stubborn and hard-hearted. Strong-willed and highly motivated. Sharp thoughts. Easily angered. Attracts others and loves attention. Deep feelings. Beautiful physically and mentally. Firm Standpoint. Needs no motivation. Easily consoled. Systematic (left brain). Loves to dream. Strong clairvoyance. Understanding. Sickness usually in the ear and neck. Good imagination. Good physical. Weak breathing. Loves literature and the arts. Loves travelling. Dislike being at home. Restless. Not having many children. Hardworking. High spirited. Spendthrift.
June:
Thinks far with vision. Easily influenced by kindness. Polite and soft-spoken. Having ideas. Sensitive. Active mind. Hesitating, tends to delay. Choosy and always wants the best. Temperamental. Funny and humorous. Loves to joke. Good debating skills.Talk active. Daydreamer. Friendly. Knows how to make friends. Able to show character. Easily hurt. Prone to getting colds. Loves to dress up. Easily bored. Fussy. Seldom shows emotions. Takes time to recover when hurt. Brand conscious. Executive. Stubborn.
July:
Fun to be with. Secretive. Difficult to fathom and to be understood. Quiet unless excited or tensed. Takes pride in oneself. Has reputation. Easily consoled. Honest. Concerned about people's feelings. Tactful. Friendly. Approachable. Emotional temperamental and unpredictable. Moody and easily hurt. Witty and sparkly. Not revengeful. Forgiving but never forgets. Dislikes nonsensical and unnecessary things. Guides others physically and mentally. Sensitive and forms impressions carefully. Caring and loving. Treats others equally. Strong sense of sympathy. Wary and sharp. Judges people through observations. Hardworking. No difficulties in studying. Loves to be alone. Always broods about the past and the old friends. Likes to be quiet. Homely person. Waits for friends. Never looks for friends. Not aggressive unless provoked. Prone to having stomach and dieting problems. Loves to be loved. Easily hurt but takes long to recover.
AUGUST:
Loves to joke. Attractive. Suave and caring. Brave and fearless. Firm and has leadership qualities. Knows how to console others. Too generous and egoistic. Takes high pride in oneself. Thirsty for praises. Extraordinary spirit. Easily angered. Angry when provoked. Easily jealous. Observant. Careful and cautious. Thinks quickly. Independent thoughts. Loves to lead and to be led. Loves to dream. Talented in the arts, music and defense. Sensitive but not petty. Poor resistance against illnesses. Learns to relax. Hasty and trusty. Romantic. Loving and caring. Loves to make friends.
September:
Suave and compromising. Careful, cautious and organized. Likes to point out people's mistakes. Likes to criticize. Stubborn. Quiet but able to talk well. Calm and cool. Kind and sympathetic. Concerned and detailed. Loyal but not always honest. Does work well. Very confident. Sensitive. Good memory. Clever and knowledgeable. Loves to look for information. Must control oneself when criticizing. Able to motivate oneself. Understanding. Fun to be around. Secretive. Loves leisure and traveling. Hardly shows emotions. Tends to bottle up feelings. Very choosy, especially in relationships. Systematic.
October:
Loves to chat. Loves those who loves them. Loves to take things at the center. Inner and physical beauty. Lies but doesn't pretend. Gets angry often. Treats friends importantly. Always making friends. Easily hurt but recovers easily. Daydreamer. Opinionated. Does not care of what others think. Emotional. Decisive. Strong clairvoyance. Loves to travel, the arts and literature. Touchy and easily jealous. Concerned. Loves outdoors. Just and fair. Spendthrift. Easily influenced. Easily loses confidence. Loves children.
November:
Has a lot of ideas. Difficult to fathom. Thinks forward. Unique and brilliant. Extraordinary ideas. Sharp thinking. Fine and strong clairvoyance. Can become good doctors. Dynamic in personality. Secretive. Inquisitive. Knows how to dig secrets. Always thinking. Less talkative but amiable. Brave and generous. Patient. Stubborn and hard-hearted. If there is a will, there is a way. Determined. Never give up. Hardly becomes angry unless provoked. Loves to be alone. Thinks differently from others. Sharp-minded. Motivates oneself. Does not appreciate praises. High-spirited. Well-built and tough. Deep love and emotions. Romantic. Uncertain in relationships. Homely. Hardworking. High abilities. Trustworthy. Honest and keeps secrets. Not able to control emotions. Unpredictable.
December:
Loyal and generous. Sexy. Patriotic. Active in games and interactions. Impatient and hasty. Ambitious. Influential in organizations. Fun to be with. Loves to socialize. Loves praises. Loves attention. Loves to be loved. Honest and trustworthy. Not pretending. Short tempered. Changing personality. Not egotistic. Take high pride in oneself. Hates restrictions. Loves to joke. Good sense of humor.
Uh, okay.... all are quite true...except maybe the "sexy" part? And I'm ambitioua, but not that ambitious. Yes, I admit, I love attention. What's "Egotistic?" Besides that, everything else is quite true.
Thursday, 13 November 2008
Gosh.........
Hello people. Sorry haven't posted anything lately. Got a bit of writer's block. Yeah. So now I'm in a bit of a fix, yeah, coz...how should I put this? Okay, my main story is about three girls, Sam, Danika and Lauren--all in their late teens, early twenties, kinda like college kids, yeah--who were recruited to join MIA [Ministry of Internal Affairs], which is a underground, covert sub-branch of the CIA. Like the female version 0f James Bond, only minus the racy innuendo and more action.
The girls form a team with Daniel and Brodie, the former their best friend from school; the latter a newbie who'd just joined their team. Later two other men--Nate and Chris--joins the team and off they go to save the day and all that.
Here's the problem:
1. I can't seem to find a suitable title for the story. I thought of "Code X--The Beginning" since Code X is the name of their team. But then I thought of just titling the book MIA since that is the agency they are working for. Or maybe even, "Of Spies and Lies". Sounds catchy huh?
2. At first Lauren's name was Taylor Ashford, but then Louise didn't like Taylor as a name (reminded her of a tailor) so I changed it to Lauren, a name I also liked very much, especially since we share the same nickname Elle. So since we changed her first name, I'm wondering if we should change her surname as well.
At first thought of making her half French (blame it on Take the Lead) and giving her the name Lauren Deschanel. But then it's a bit wordy and then I thought of Lauren Shepard, or Lauren Pierce which I've used before in the mutant story and which I think is super snappy. And then I thought of Lauren Fox, you know like Sydney Fox in Relic Hunter, but then I wanted something British and Fox sounds a little too American.
So help me, what title should I put for the story, and should I change Lauren's surname or keep it at Ashford?
All suggestions are welcomed.
The girls form a team with Daniel and Brodie, the former their best friend from school; the latter a newbie who'd just joined their team. Later two other men--Nate and Chris--joins the team and off they go to save the day and all that.
Here's the problem:
1. I can't seem to find a suitable title for the story. I thought of "Code X--The Beginning" since Code X is the name of their team. But then I thought of just titling the book MIA since that is the agency they are working for. Or maybe even, "Of Spies and Lies". Sounds catchy huh?
2. At first Lauren's name was Taylor Ashford, but then Louise didn't like Taylor as a name (reminded her of a tailor) so I changed it to Lauren, a name I also liked very much, especially since we share the same nickname Elle. So since we changed her first name, I'm wondering if we should change her surname as well.
At first thought of making her half French (blame it on Take the Lead) and giving her the name Lauren Deschanel. But then it's a bit wordy and then I thought of Lauren Shepard, or Lauren Pierce which I've used before in the mutant story and which I think is super snappy. And then I thought of Lauren Fox, you know like Sydney Fox in Relic Hunter, but then I wanted something British and Fox sounds a little too American.
So help me, what title should I put for the story, and should I change Lauren's surname or keep it at Ashford?
All suggestions are welcomed.
Monday, 3 November 2008
Solitaire
Her blue eyes stared fixatedly at the numbers on the clock. The seconds ticked by, and the noise was loud in the silence of the room. It took her two, maybe three minutes to clearly distinguish the time. Just a little quirk she had. A little bit to do with OCD.
Her hands shuffled the deck, quickly, swiftly. The deck was in her palm, and with a soft flap, she allowed half the deck to drop to the base of her palm. Her pinky finger then pushed the deck to the thumb, allowing the remaining half still suspended between her fingers to drop. The first half was then dropped on top of the other, and she shuffled the deck again.
She knew how to play solitaire from the numerous amount of times she'd played it on the computer, but playing Klondike with a deck of cards instead was much more rewarding. Regina Spektor was playing in the background, and she picked up the remote, turning the volume up higher.
You are my sweetest downfall
I loved you first, I loved you first
Beneath the sheets of paper lies my truth
I have to go, I have to go
Your hair was long when we first met.
She hated conflict. Conflict was to her like vegetable was to lion. But this happening, however pleasant it was, was killing her slowly. She placed one card, face up, in front of her. It was the King of Hearts. Next to it, she dealt six more cards, all face down in a row. On the first face-down card, she placed another, face up. The Nine of Spades. Moving on to the next one, she dealt five more cards, all face down. Then she opened another card, putting it face up next to the Nine of Spades. It was the Jack of Diamonds. Another row of face down cards on the rest of the rows, then she uncovered a card, placing it beside the Jack. She chuckled quietly. The Ace of Spades. She repeated the whole process, finally adding to her face up collection with the Seven of Clubs, Six of Clubs, and Two of Hearts.
Outside, if she strained her ears, she could still hear the loud shouts of happiness, of pleasure. Forcing herself away, she turned back to her game. She removed the Ace of Spades, placing it above the other cards, then uncovering the one below it. It was the Six of Hearts. She placed the Six on top of the Seven of Clubs, uncovering the next card. King of Diamonds. She exhaled. Okay.
The door opened, and he entered. She didn't bother looking at him, wanting to erase from her memory everything she'd heard. Grabbing the deck, she drew one card. A black queen. She placed it above the King of Hearts, drawing another card. The Ace of Hearts. She placed it next to the black ace, and placed the red two on top of it, uncovering the face down card beneath the red two. It was a Jack of Diamonds.
Samson went back to bed
Not much hair left on his head
Ate a slice of wonderbread
And went right back to bed
The history books forgot about us
And the Bible didn't mention us
No the Bible didn't mention us
Not even once
He was sitting next to her now. She could feel his eyes on her, but she didn't want to talk to him. Not just yet. Then he spoke. 'Shouldn't you be studying for your exam?' he asked softly, twirling a curl of her hair around his finger.
Trying not to let him see how much that simple gesture affected her, she replied, as coldly and as harsh as she could. 'It's just comprehension. There's nothing much to study for.'
'Really?' Now he was challenging her, a hint of disbelief etching his features. When she continued to ignore him, he took the cards away, forcing her to look at him. 'You heard,' he said finally. She still wouldn't look at him, but she gave a short, barely perceivable nod. He paused. 'You don't seem pleased.' he continued quietly.
Inside, her heart broke. The man she loved, the one she'd waited for so long, was getting married and he wonders why she doesn't seem happy?
'I am. I just need some time, to process everything,' she answered equally. 'You fell in love with a woman who loves you back. That's good news. You should go, enjoy her smiles. The door's that way.' Forcing a smile, she jerked her head at the doorway. A look of hurt crossed his face. 'I thought--' he shut his mouth. She knew what he was going to say. Hadn't she told him her feelings for him twice, albeit a long time ago?
'Whatever it was, it's over,' she said quietly. 'Claire is waiting for you. You should go. Enjoy yourself. Be happy.' Even as she said these words, she felt as though she would die from the agony of her breaking heart.
He stood up, smiling shyly. 'You'll still come to the wedding?' he asked hopefully. She plastered a big grin on her face. 'Absolutely.'
Smiling, he came forward, gave her a hug. She could almost lose herself in the warmth of his embrace, then he was pulling away, and leaving for his soon-to-be-wife. She watched him, watching every step he took, every step that took him away from her. She watched as he embraced his laughing bride, full of happiness, and her heart hurt.
She watched as he stepped into his car, his wife on the other side, and watched as they drove off, a group of well-wishers waving at them. Then they were gone, disappearing around the bend.
She watched, as the man she loved was taken away by the sister she admired, and just when she thought she'd lost all feeling, her heart broke all over again. Then she broke down, tears falling freely, clouding her sight.
Then she heard footsteps, and for one wild moment, she thought it was him. That he'd got back somehow, coming back just for her. And she realized it was only her friend, the one who'd seen her through the agony. 'He's gone,' she said simply.
'I know,' her friend said. 'You made the right choice, letting him go.'
She tried to make light of the situation. 'Hear ye, agony of the heart. Thy name is unrequited love.'
Her friend stepped closer. 'I know how hard it was to let him go.' Then she changed the subject. 'Are you going to the wedding?'
'No,' she said firmly. 'I can't. If I do, I'll just fall in love with him all over again, and I can't afford that. Not now. How can I choose between my sister and the man I love?'
'It was the right choice,' her friend said gently, knowing the sobs were coming soon.
'Perhaps it was,' she said silently. 'Perhaps you were right. Perhaps I should just move on. Perhaps I should just let him go. The thing is,' her voice dropped to a whisper. 'I'm not sure I can.'
Her voice grew louder. 'I'm leaving for France immediately.'
'Elle...' her friend said warningly. 'Don't do it...'
Elle gave a wry laugh. 'I can't stay, Lou. The only way for me to forget about him is to leave this place. Robbie and Claire can have Hertfordshire. I'll leave for France. I'll never come back. I'll leave for the farthest ends of the earth if only I won't have to see them again.' She glanced at the unfinished game of solitaire, and she chuckled in dismay at the irony. Regina Spektor was still singing, softly now, as the end of the song approached. Then she left her friend behind, knowing that no matter what she did, no matter what she said, she would always love him till the day she died.
You are my sweetest downfall.
I loved you first.
Her hands shuffled the deck, quickly, swiftly. The deck was in her palm, and with a soft flap, she allowed half the deck to drop to the base of her palm. Her pinky finger then pushed the deck to the thumb, allowing the remaining half still suspended between her fingers to drop. The first half was then dropped on top of the other, and she shuffled the deck again.
She knew how to play solitaire from the numerous amount of times she'd played it on the computer, but playing Klondike with a deck of cards instead was much more rewarding. Regina Spektor was playing in the background, and she picked up the remote, turning the volume up higher.
You are my sweetest downfall
I loved you first, I loved you first
Beneath the sheets of paper lies my truth
I have to go, I have to go
Your hair was long when we first met.
She hated conflict. Conflict was to her like vegetable was to lion. But this happening, however pleasant it was, was killing her slowly. She placed one card, face up, in front of her. It was the King of Hearts. Next to it, she dealt six more cards, all face down in a row. On the first face-down card, she placed another, face up. The Nine of Spades. Moving on to the next one, she dealt five more cards, all face down. Then she opened another card, putting it face up next to the Nine of Spades. It was the Jack of Diamonds. Another row of face down cards on the rest of the rows, then she uncovered a card, placing it beside the Jack. She chuckled quietly. The Ace of Spades. She repeated the whole process, finally adding to her face up collection with the Seven of Clubs, Six of Clubs, and Two of Hearts.
Outside, if she strained her ears, she could still hear the loud shouts of happiness, of pleasure. Forcing herself away, she turned back to her game. She removed the Ace of Spades, placing it above the other cards, then uncovering the one below it. It was the Six of Hearts. She placed the Six on top of the Seven of Clubs, uncovering the next card. King of Diamonds. She exhaled. Okay.
The door opened, and he entered. She didn't bother looking at him, wanting to erase from her memory everything she'd heard. Grabbing the deck, she drew one card. A black queen. She placed it above the King of Hearts, drawing another card. The Ace of Hearts. She placed it next to the black ace, and placed the red two on top of it, uncovering the face down card beneath the red two. It was a Jack of Diamonds.
Samson went back to bed
Not much hair left on his head
Ate a slice of wonderbread
And went right back to bed
The history books forgot about us
And the Bible didn't mention us
No the Bible didn't mention us
Not even once
He was sitting next to her now. She could feel his eyes on her, but she didn't want to talk to him. Not just yet. Then he spoke. 'Shouldn't you be studying for your exam?' he asked softly, twirling a curl of her hair around his finger.
Trying not to let him see how much that simple gesture affected her, she replied, as coldly and as harsh as she could. 'It's just comprehension. There's nothing much to study for.'
'Really?' Now he was challenging her, a hint of disbelief etching his features. When she continued to ignore him, he took the cards away, forcing her to look at him. 'You heard,' he said finally. She still wouldn't look at him, but she gave a short, barely perceivable nod. He paused. 'You don't seem pleased.' he continued quietly.
Inside, her heart broke. The man she loved, the one she'd waited for so long, was getting married and he wonders why she doesn't seem happy?
'I am. I just need some time, to process everything,' she answered equally. 'You fell in love with a woman who loves you back. That's good news. You should go, enjoy her smiles. The door's that way.' Forcing a smile, she jerked her head at the doorway. A look of hurt crossed his face. 'I thought--' he shut his mouth. She knew what he was going to say. Hadn't she told him her feelings for him twice, albeit a long time ago?
'Whatever it was, it's over,' she said quietly. 'Claire is waiting for you. You should go. Enjoy yourself. Be happy.' Even as she said these words, she felt as though she would die from the agony of her breaking heart.
He stood up, smiling shyly. 'You'll still come to the wedding?' he asked hopefully. She plastered a big grin on her face. 'Absolutely.'
Smiling, he came forward, gave her a hug. She could almost lose herself in the warmth of his embrace, then he was pulling away, and leaving for his soon-to-be-wife. She watched him, watching every step he took, every step that took him away from her. She watched as he embraced his laughing bride, full of happiness, and her heart hurt.
She watched as he stepped into his car, his wife on the other side, and watched as they drove off, a group of well-wishers waving at them. Then they were gone, disappearing around the bend.
She watched, as the man she loved was taken away by the sister she admired, and just when she thought she'd lost all feeling, her heart broke all over again. Then she broke down, tears falling freely, clouding her sight.
Then she heard footsteps, and for one wild moment, she thought it was him. That he'd got back somehow, coming back just for her. And she realized it was only her friend, the one who'd seen her through the agony. 'He's gone,' she said simply.
'I know,' her friend said. 'You made the right choice, letting him go.'
She tried to make light of the situation. 'Hear ye, agony of the heart. Thy name is unrequited love.'
Her friend stepped closer. 'I know how hard it was to let him go.' Then she changed the subject. 'Are you going to the wedding?'
'No,' she said firmly. 'I can't. If I do, I'll just fall in love with him all over again, and I can't afford that. Not now. How can I choose between my sister and the man I love?'
'It was the right choice,' her friend said gently, knowing the sobs were coming soon.
'Perhaps it was,' she said silently. 'Perhaps you were right. Perhaps I should just move on. Perhaps I should just let him go. The thing is,' her voice dropped to a whisper. 'I'm not sure I can.'
Her voice grew louder. 'I'm leaving for France immediately.'
'Elle...' her friend said warningly. 'Don't do it...'
Elle gave a wry laugh. 'I can't stay, Lou. The only way for me to forget about him is to leave this place. Robbie and Claire can have Hertfordshire. I'll leave for France. I'll never come back. I'll leave for the farthest ends of the earth if only I won't have to see them again.' She glanced at the unfinished game of solitaire, and she chuckled in dismay at the irony. Regina Spektor was still singing, softly now, as the end of the song approached. Then she left her friend behind, knowing that no matter what she did, no matter what she said, she would always love him till the day she died.
You are my sweetest downfall.
I loved you first.
Sunday, 5 October 2008
Zhuo Liang's Tag
Haihz. Really didn't wanna do his tag coz I've got so used to seeing my ADD test results at the top of my blog. Anyway, I want Zhuo Liang to take the test, see how much he scores.
Rules:
1. The rules of the game get posted at the beginning.
2. Each player answers the questions about themselves.
3. At the end of the post the player then tags 5 people and posts their names, then goes to their blogs and leaves a comment, letting them know they got tagged and to ask them to play and read your blog.
Starting time: 5.55 pm (according to my laptop clock)
Name: Elyssia Chin
Sisters: 1
Brothers: None, unfortunately.
Shoe size : Gosh, I don't know!
Height: 166 cm. That's 5 feet 5.35 inches. Gosh, I'm short!
Where do you live: Check the Yellow Pages. I'm listed. (I think)
Favourite drinks: Uh, not too sure. My mind changes regularly.
Favourite breakfast: Toast. I like toast. Say no to milk.
Have you ever been on a plane: I....think so. I don't remember.
Swam in the ocean: Yes. But I was very young. Like, 5-8 years old?
Fallen asleep in school: If catnaps count, yes. If bored to the actual point where you start snoring, then no.
Broken someone's heart: I'm....not sure. Well, they don't exactly come up to me and say, 'You broke my heart into pieces!', now, do they?
Fell off your chair: Not lately, no.
Sat by the phone all night waiting for someone to call: Yep. Just on Thursday. Was waiting for Louise to call so we could chat after so long.
Saved e-mails: I don't even check my inbox! What does that tell you?
What is your room like: Uh, quite nice. Two beds, one for me and one for sis. Huge wardrobe all filled with sis's clothes. Mine are stuffed away into drawers or hung next to the stairs. Walls are peach colored. The wall next to my bed is stuck with glow-in-the-dark stars and whatnot. Nice stereo. A nightlight. Yeah, that's about it.
What's right beside you: Handphone, books, more books.....
What is the last thing you ate: Lunch.
Ever had chicken pox: Yep.
Sore throat: Every once a month with a slight fever and cold. Guareenteed. I'm just weird like that. So much for my immune system.
Stitches: Nope.
Broken nose: You're mad! You're absolutely bloody mad! How in the name of all things good and righteous am I supposed to get my nose broken? Walk into a lamp post?
Do you believe in love at first sight: Yes. Somehow I do.
Like picnics: Yeap. Used to have lotsa them when I was a kid.
Who was the last person you danced with: Uh, very awkward topic. A boy at a friend's birthday party.
Last made you smile: Uh, have I mentioned that I'm so easily amused it's pitiful?
You last yelled at: I have no idea.
Today did you:
Talk to someone you like: Clarify. Like as in general or like like?
Kissed anyone: Nope.
Get sick: Nope.
Talked to an ex: Don't have one. Next.
Miss someone: I'll get back to you on that one.
Best feeling in the world: Zhuo Liang's right. This question sounds weird.
Do you sleep with stuffed animals: YES!!!!!XD
What's under your bed: Not sure what this question means so yeah. Skip!!!
Who do you really hate: Many, many people I won't even mention on this blog. Nah, it's just Mr. Celery.
What time is it now: 6.39 pm. I took more than half an hour on this tag, yeah?
Randoms:
Q: Is there a person who is on your mind right now:
You don't need to know that.
Q: Do you have any siblings:
Yes...refer to the beginning of the tag, please.
Q: Do you want children:
Yes...I want kids!!!!!!!!!! Just not now.
Q: Do you smile often:
Why is this tag so repetitive? I have already mentioned I'm so easily amused I'm pitiful. Fine, if you must know, yes when I'm not feeling moody.
Q: Do you like your hand-writing:
Yes?
Q: Are your toenails painted:
A question not worth asking and not worth wasting your time on. I don't like nail polish.
Q: Whose bed other than yours would you rather sleep in:
This sounds really weird and stalkerish.
Q: What colour shirt are you wearing:
White with orange stripes and blue lettering on yellow.
Q: What were you doing at 7:00pm yesterday:
Stuff.
Q: I can't wait till:
I really have no idea how to answer this one. Till I'm finally able to use a sword/cutlass and do archery like Keira Knightley? Till I finally become a pirate/thief? That would be preetty awesome. *laughs*
Q: When did you cry last:
Quite a while ago. Can't really remember.
Q: Are you a friendly person:
I don't think so, but get a second opinion from my friends. OY, Louise, Erina, am I friendly?
Q: Do you have any pets:
Yes. She died. Refer to the post below the one below this one.
Where is the person you have feelings for right now?
I wouldn't know.
Did the last person you held hands with mean anything to you now?
I don't like hand holding.
Do you sleep with the TV on?
Considering I don't have the TV in my room....
What are you doing right now?
This. Is. A. Pathetically. Pointless. Question.
Have you ever crawled through a window?
Nope. Can I?
Can you handle the truth?
Yes. But I'll most probably cry if the truth's too harsh. (Gotta copy ZL's for this)
Are you closer to your mother or father?
Dad.
Who was the last person you cried in front of?
No one.
How many people can you say you've really loved?
Again, clarify. Love as in 'I love you, you love me' Barney love or 'I love you, I want to be your soulmate' love?
Do you eat healthy?
Yes.
Today?
Not yet.
Do you still have pictures of you & your ex?
Did I mention I don't have an ex?
Have you ever cried because of something someone said to you?Unfortunately.
How often do you go to church?
Once a week.
If you're having a bad day, who are you most likely to go to?
I usually don't go to anyone.
Are you loud or quiet most of the time?
Mix of both, perhaps? I like that word. Perhaps. Sounds so vague and clear at the same time.
Are you confident?
I hardly think so. I like that word too. Hardly. Makes me feel so British.
5 things I was doing 10 years ago..(1998)...That would make me...six?
1. Uh. Whatever six year olds do.
2. Probably watching Barney. I love Barney. I still like Barney. I think.
3. And uh, eating.
4. And watching Sesame Street. Elmo's World.
5. I almost drowned my sister once. I was still using the airbands thingy to help me float. My sis came over and laughed at me and successfully removed one of them. I panicked, thought I was drowning, and I grabbed my sister and pulled her down with me. It took my aunt and uncle to separate us. She then gave me a large whack followed by, 'WHY YOU PULL ME DOWN FOR?'
5 things on my to-do list today
1. Study study study.
2. Learn how to study. Seriously I don't know. I asked my sister once and she looked at me like I was retarded.
3. Learn how to do Log from Ben.
4. Remember to wake up at six a.m. tomorrow.
5. Study study study.
5 snacks I enjoy.
1. Currently it's ice cream.
2. And nougat.
3. Apples.
4. Grapes.
5. Food.
5 things I would do if I were a billionaire
1. Save?
2. Give money to mom, dad and sis.
3. Build my dream house in Hertfordshire. Buy some horses. Get some dogs. Live life ala Lizzy Bennet from Pride and Prejudice, only complete with modern day technology.
4. Travel the world. Always had a soft spot for Paris, St. Petersburg and Hounslow. Ah yes. Own a house in Hounslow.
5. Pay Alina Andrei and Mark Edward Lewis to teach me how to weild and use a sword and bows and arrows ala Keira Knightley, both in real-life fighting and on-screen Hollywood fighting. Anyone who's seen heir videos know they're the people who choreograph Hollywood's fighting scenes including, I think, Star Wars.
5 of my bad habits
1. ADD makes me have moodswings and all that crap. I yell a lot.
2. According to Lou, I'm constantly dwelling in a fantasy world. So I like being a secret agent. Sue me. You know, Jit Sun was actually the first to take me seriously. He was like, 'Okay, let's go to court now and I'll sue you!'
3. I'm quite the procrastinator.
4. Uh, I like being the center of attention I think? Maybe conceited?
5. I like annoying people just for the fun of it.
5 places I have lived in
1. My house
2. Uh, uncle's house in Ipoh.
3. Hotel in Port Dickson
4. Mom's cousin's house in Kuantan
5. Yeah well, that's probably about it.
5 jobs I've had
*smirks* I'm glad to say I've never found a need to work. But planning on it during hols.
5 People I tag
1. Xin Wei
2. Emma my cousin
3. Louise
4. Elaine. I like her. She does all my tags.
5. Gloria. Yes, I'm sorry about Lasagna. But we managed to get beef.
Rules:
1. The rules of the game get posted at the beginning.
2. Each player answers the questions about themselves.
3. At the end of the post the player then tags 5 people and posts their names, then goes to their blogs and leaves a comment, letting them know they got tagged and to ask them to play and read your blog.
Starting time: 5.55 pm (according to my laptop clock)
Name: Elyssia Chin
Sisters: 1
Brothers: None, unfortunately.
Shoe size : Gosh, I don't know!
Height: 166 cm. That's 5 feet 5.35 inches. Gosh, I'm short!
Where do you live: Check the Yellow Pages. I'm listed. (I think)
Favourite drinks: Uh, not too sure. My mind changes regularly.
Favourite breakfast: Toast. I like toast. Say no to milk.
Have you ever been on a plane: I....think so. I don't remember.
Swam in the ocean: Yes. But I was very young. Like, 5-8 years old?
Fallen asleep in school: If catnaps count, yes. If bored to the actual point where you start snoring, then no.
Broken someone's heart: I'm....not sure. Well, they don't exactly come up to me and say, 'You broke my heart into pieces!', now, do they?
Fell off your chair: Not lately, no.
Sat by the phone all night waiting for someone to call: Yep. Just on Thursday. Was waiting for Louise to call so we could chat after so long.
Saved e-mails: I don't even check my inbox! What does that tell you?
What is your room like: Uh, quite nice. Two beds, one for me and one for sis. Huge wardrobe all filled with sis's clothes. Mine are stuffed away into drawers or hung next to the stairs. Walls are peach colored. The wall next to my bed is stuck with glow-in-the-dark stars and whatnot. Nice stereo. A nightlight. Yeah, that's about it.
What's right beside you: Handphone, books, more books.....
What is the last thing you ate: Lunch.
Ever had chicken pox: Yep.
Sore throat: Every once a month with a slight fever and cold. Guareenteed. I'm just weird like that. So much for my immune system.
Stitches: Nope.
Broken nose: You're mad! You're absolutely bloody mad! How in the name of all things good and righteous am I supposed to get my nose broken? Walk into a lamp post?
Do you believe in love at first sight: Yes. Somehow I do.
Like picnics: Yeap. Used to have lotsa them when I was a kid.
Who was the last person you danced with: Uh, very awkward topic. A boy at a friend's birthday party.
Last made you smile: Uh, have I mentioned that I'm so easily amused it's pitiful?
You last yelled at: I have no idea.
Today did you:
Talk to someone you like: Clarify. Like as in general or like like?
Kissed anyone: Nope.
Get sick: Nope.
Talked to an ex: Don't have one. Next.
Miss someone: I'll get back to you on that one.
Best feeling in the world: Zhuo Liang's right. This question sounds weird.
Do you sleep with stuffed animals: YES!!!!!XD
What's under your bed: Not sure what this question means so yeah. Skip!!!
Who do you really hate: Many, many people I won't even mention on this blog. Nah, it's just Mr. Celery.
What time is it now: 6.39 pm. I took more than half an hour on this tag, yeah?
Randoms:
Q: Is there a person who is on your mind right now:
You don't need to know that.
Q: Do you have any siblings:
Yes...refer to the beginning of the tag, please.
Q: Do you want children:
Yes...I want kids!!!!!!!!!! Just not now.
Q: Do you smile often:
Why is this tag so repetitive? I have already mentioned I'm so easily amused I'm pitiful. Fine, if you must know, yes when I'm not feeling moody.
Q: Do you like your hand-writing:
Yes?
Q: Are your toenails painted:
A question not worth asking and not worth wasting your time on. I don't like nail polish.
Q: Whose bed other than yours would you rather sleep in:
This sounds really weird and stalkerish.
Q: What colour shirt are you wearing:
White with orange stripes and blue lettering on yellow.
Q: What were you doing at 7:00pm yesterday:
Stuff.
Q: I can't wait till:
I really have no idea how to answer this one. Till I'm finally able to use a sword/cutlass and do archery like Keira Knightley? Till I finally become a pirate/thief? That would be preetty awesome. *laughs*
Q: When did you cry last:
Quite a while ago. Can't really remember.
Q: Are you a friendly person:
I don't think so, but get a second opinion from my friends. OY, Louise, Erina, am I friendly?
Q: Do you have any pets:
Yes. She died. Refer to the post below the one below this one.
Where is the person you have feelings for right now?
I wouldn't know.
Did the last person you held hands with mean anything to you now?
I don't like hand holding.
Do you sleep with the TV on?
Considering I don't have the TV in my room....
What are you doing right now?
This. Is. A. Pathetically. Pointless. Question.
Have you ever crawled through a window?
Nope. Can I?
Can you handle the truth?
Yes. But I'll most probably cry if the truth's too harsh. (Gotta copy ZL's for this)
Are you closer to your mother or father?
Dad.
Who was the last person you cried in front of?
No one.
How many people can you say you've really loved?
Again, clarify. Love as in 'I love you, you love me' Barney love or 'I love you, I want to be your soulmate' love?
Do you eat healthy?
Yes.
Today?
Not yet.
Do you still have pictures of you & your ex?
Did I mention I don't have an ex?
Have you ever cried because of something someone said to you?Unfortunately.
How often do you go to church?
Once a week.
If you're having a bad day, who are you most likely to go to?
I usually don't go to anyone.
Are you loud or quiet most of the time?
Mix of both, perhaps? I like that word. Perhaps. Sounds so vague and clear at the same time.
Are you confident?
I hardly think so. I like that word too. Hardly. Makes me feel so British.
5 things I was doing 10 years ago..(1998)...That would make me...six?
1. Uh. Whatever six year olds do.
2. Probably watching Barney. I love Barney. I still like Barney. I think.
3. And uh, eating.
4. And watching Sesame Street. Elmo's World.
5. I almost drowned my sister once. I was still using the airbands thingy to help me float. My sis came over and laughed at me and successfully removed one of them. I panicked, thought I was drowning, and I grabbed my sister and pulled her down with me. It took my aunt and uncle to separate us. She then gave me a large whack followed by, 'WHY YOU PULL ME DOWN FOR?'
5 things on my to-do list today
1. Study study study.
2. Learn how to study. Seriously I don't know. I asked my sister once and she looked at me like I was retarded.
3. Learn how to do Log from Ben.
4. Remember to wake up at six a.m. tomorrow.
5. Study study study.
5 snacks I enjoy.
1. Currently it's ice cream.
2. And nougat.
3. Apples.
4. Grapes.
5. Food.
5 things I would do if I were a billionaire
1. Save?
2. Give money to mom, dad and sis.
3. Build my dream house in Hertfordshire. Buy some horses. Get some dogs. Live life ala Lizzy Bennet from Pride and Prejudice, only complete with modern day technology.
4. Travel the world. Always had a soft spot for Paris, St. Petersburg and Hounslow. Ah yes. Own a house in Hounslow.
5. Pay Alina Andrei and Mark Edward Lewis to teach me how to weild and use a sword and bows and arrows ala Keira Knightley, both in real-life fighting and on-screen Hollywood fighting. Anyone who's seen heir videos know they're the people who choreograph Hollywood's fighting scenes including, I think, Star Wars.
5 of my bad habits
1. ADD makes me have moodswings and all that crap. I yell a lot.
2. According to Lou, I'm constantly dwelling in a fantasy world. So I like being a secret agent. Sue me. You know, Jit Sun was actually the first to take me seriously. He was like, 'Okay, let's go to court now and I'll sue you!'
3. I'm quite the procrastinator.
4. Uh, I like being the center of attention I think? Maybe conceited?
5. I like annoying people just for the fun of it.
5 places I have lived in
1. My house
2. Uh, uncle's house in Ipoh.
3. Hotel in Port Dickson
4. Mom's cousin's house in Kuantan
5. Yeah well, that's probably about it.
5 jobs I've had
*smirks* I'm glad to say I've never found a need to work. But planning on it during hols.
5 People I tag
1. Xin Wei
2. Emma my cousin
3. Louise
4. Elaine. I like her. She does all my tags.
5. Gloria. Yes, I'm sorry about Lasagna. But we managed to get beef.
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