Noble Maiden Fair

Unbearable pain. Unbearable anguish.

Of all the things to be affected by, I am affected by music. Not in the typical sense where a catchy beat makes you want to dance, or when a sad tune makes you want to change the channel. But in the sense that I read so much into lyrics and tunes and melody that I end up even more miserable than before.

Really, go check out this soundtrack from the movie Brave: Noble Maiden Fair. It's a really nice lullaby in Gaelic, and the English translation is really nice and all, but the melody, the Gaelic prose, the instrumental affects me so badly, my mind goes on overdrive. My head and heart translates this lullaby into a lament, even though the lyrics have absolutely nothing to do with death, and everything to do with the prospect of the future. This song is on repeat on my playlist, and I'm so invested in this, every single time it comes on, I keep getting the feeling that someone very close to my heart has been taken from me, and there is absolutely nothing I can do about it. I can't prevent it, I can't get over it, and the anguish sets in. Unbearable.

This gives me a different kind of rush I get from Narnia The Battle; this gives me the same feeling I get from The Gravel Road. The feeling of helplessness, the guilt, the dying embers of the fire inside. The feeling that you would scream if you could, but no one is listening. No one is.

I've often said that I want to be a telempath like Emma deLauro, but if I can't get that, the next best superpower is the ability to transmit my feelings into music. At least then, it will be heard, and I can leave under the impression that I've confided in someone after all.