I figured that since I love the show so much, I'd write a fanfic about Mr. & Mrs. Smith and maybe I'll do one for Alias. But why the hell do I bother writing disclaimers when no one takes much notice of them anyway?
Years after the ending of the show...
'Jane, are you sure that the man we're going for is inside?'
Jane Smith rolled her eyes. 'For the hundredth time, John, yes!'
They were in an abandoned building in the Land of the Leprechauns, opposite a large hotel, and John was starting to get on his wife's nerves. Their target for the day was Paolo Martinez, and he was proving to be a hell of a recluse. They'd barely gotten a sighting on him.
'There,' Jane propped the sniper rifle on the ledge and looked at Martinez through the scope. Martinez, in a fancy suit and designer shades, was walking purposefully towards his limo, surrounded and watched by his ensemble of bodyguards.
'How long do you need, Janey?'
'Two minutes, John, two minutes.' She gave a smirk as she aimed for Martinez's head. 'Which is probably faster than you can say--' she shot off two rounds. Both bullets met their mark. Martinez started bleeding like a bloody waterfall. '--"I do."' she continued.
John copied her smirk. 'Good girl, Janey!' he was pleased. 'Now that we're done, what do you say to a bit of sight-seeing before we go home?'
Jane grinned. 'Actually, I was thinking of something else. Something in the terms of...a word starting with 'S'.'
John blinked, surprised. Jane nodded. She was waiting for a chance to do this. John gulped visibly. 'You mean--?'
'Yes,' Jane smiled. 'We're going shopping!'
'Shopping?' John blurted out. His thoughts were more on the explicit side. Jane looked at him curiously. 'Of course. What did you think I was suggesting, John?' She finally caught it by the blush on his face. She tutted. 'God, John, you're really dirty minded, you know that?'
'Yes, yes I am.' It saved time to agree when Jane was in one of her ranting sessions. He sighed. He just hoped to everything holy that this time, Jane wouldn't max out their credit cards like she did on their last "job".
Benjamin Danz lifted another forkful of eggs into his mouth. Ever since the whole deal with the "John & Jane Smith On The Run From Their Respective Agencies" fiasco, the couple were persuaded to get a kid by their--well, actually, John's--lifetime good friend--well, actually, more like a fellow agent--Eddie, to throw suspicion off themselves.
Considering that Benjamin was now "thrown to one side"--as John so cheerfully put it--while on the run the Smiths decided to adopt Ben as part of their cover. Long story short, they found that they clicked together as a family when Jane found out that she was pregnant.
With twins. A girl and a boy.
Then naturally as expected [yes, I'm rambling] Ben immediately backs out and says that now that the Smiths have their own kids he might as well leave. And anyway, short-story-turned-rambling-short, they managed to convince him to stay with them. And here he is.
Smiling softly, Ben failed to notice when the other female species of the family entered the kitchen. 'Morning, Ben.'
'Oh, hey, Jules.' Jules Smith headed straight for the fridge, taking out a carton of OJ and pouring the contents into a glass. 'Want some?'
'Nah,' Ben shook his head. 'So...' he asked carefully. 'Where were you last night?'
Jules froze. 'I don't know what you're talking about.'
Ben shook his head. 'You're gonna hafta be better than that,' he said laughingly. 'Just because Jane and John are out doesn't mean you can start sneaking around.'
Jules scowled. 'I wasn't sneaking around.'
'Oh really?' Ben raised an eyebrow. 'Then why were you back at, let's see, three in the morning? Come on, Julie, spill.'
'There's nothing to spill, Ben,' Jules frowned, sipping from her glass. 'I just had something on.'
Ben sighed dramatically. 'I hate to do this, but I'll play the parent card.' He cleared his throat. 'Electra Jules Smith, where were you?'
To her credit, Jules didn't blink. Not even when he mentioned her first name. Her parents named her after two people: Electra, daughter of Agamemnon, and Clytemnestra, and Elektra Natchios, the comic book character, famous for being Marvel Comics' most deadly assassin and for her trademark weapon: her Japanese Sai.
'You know, Benjamin,' she drew out the vowels of his name in her upper-class drawl. 'I wouldn't do that if I were you.'
'Oh right,' Ben scoffed. 'Whatcha gonna do, skewer me like a shish kebab? You're a brat, you know? A spoiled brat with nothing to do besides eating, sleeping and making out.'
'Back at cha.' Jules took offence at the "making out" line, but ignored it.
'Funny,' he was scowling now. In annoyance he threw a piece of bread at her. Quick as a flash, Jules pulled out one of her sai--a gift from her mom; in honor of her more vicious namesake--and skewered the bread neatly. 'You were saying?'
Ben shook his head, mouth still gaping. 'Nothing, I was saying nothing.'
'Good,' Jules grinned, walking off. Mom was right, she decided. Something like that could make Ben shut up. For good. Chuckling, she walked back up the stairs to her room, leaving Ben in the kitchen, still shocked.