You'll always have me, but whether I'll have you in return remains to be seen.
Angsty music playing on, right now I'm listening to The Used. Lots of screaming, yelling, basically eardrum-bursting noise. Something that, despite my not too bad results, I need desperately.
Today is Ben and Shar's birthday, and going through their Facebook, I suddenly asked myself a question, "Why is it during someone's birthday, loads of people write them birthday wishes, but in real life, most of them aren't really people you keep in contact with?" Think about it. The only reason why people post birthday wishes for an individual is because of the fb notification, isn't it?
I get it, utterly depressing post and all that, but I can't help feeling drained. I bet even Chris is feeling the same; both of us running up and down to make Ben's party perfect. It's Ben, you know. The same Ben that cheers me up effortlessly. Ben's going off to Russia.
I think my results were alright. I'm not sure, though. I want to know what grade I got but all they're giving me is the UMS. I talked to Shar and she thinks I might have an A but I'm not sure. And it's that not knowing that bugs me. Because there is a very thin line between an A and a B. I think.
I don't write anymore.
I can't imagine why.
My head is filled to the brim of stories and tales, just begging to be told, but I am afraid of being cliched, afraid of losing my muse. It happens all the time; I get excited about something, an idea, the beginnings of a new adventure, and then, when I try to write, it falls to pieces. Maybe I shouldn't think so much, maybe I should stop reading so much into things, but I sit in front of the computer or I stare at a blank sheet of foolscap and I just...freeze.
Okay, this next piece was done a few year back, a little project Lou and I had been working on. We were planning a Girls Night Out sort of thing, and also a Party Prom thing because we weren't going to prom and we'd thought we have a prom thingy at Lou's place and Lou was trying to sketch out the different outfits we'd be wearing. So this is what happened over the course of several hours of phone calls:
For Party Prom (since GNO is just a night out and don't requir fancy stuff):
The theme is Red! Used to be purple, but now it's red.
Elyssia - Long Sleeve dress shirt (white/pinstripe), vest (black), red skinny tie (loosely - I feel like a dog wearing a lease), tailored pants (black), shiny tap-dancing shoes, black fedora with red ribbon (I wanted a bowler hat like Keira Knightley's in the Coco Chanel Mademoiselle ad but Lou was designing my outfit. Strangely I thought she'd given me a dress), puzzle locket wth long fine chain, white walking stick.
Inspiration: Dancer
Lou - Silver strappy heels, red dress (I cancelled out burgandy/wine red multiple times in my notebook), knee length, lightly flared around knees, glittery bits (I have no idea what this meant now).
Inspiration: Prom Queen
Gloria - White tube dress (short), sienna coloured wooden heels (wedges, I think), red flowers in hair, chunky bracelets (multiple).
Strangely enough my inspiration for her was a cocktail hostess, like she invited us to her place for cocktails and she's wearing that sort of outfit. Dunno why, that's how I see her.
Chiau - Bowler hat, red ribbon, red suspenders (Lou's idea) white tailored shirt, shiny shoes, Oakley sunnies (apparently she was supposed to be mod hip hop, whatever that is).
Karis - Backless, gold chain at the toe, wine red, god shoes, chandelier earrings. I think we took her to be the Greek goddess type.
Wendy - Happily ever after style (I can't believe I actually wrote that), sheer, empire waist, sleeveless tube dress, black/red ribbon choker, red peek toe shoes. Oh wait, apparently she's supposed to be a goddess as well.
I'm now very confused.
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