Friday, 6 July 2007

Do we make the rules, or do the rules make us?

It's at this moment that I'm sitting at my computer when Andrew MSN me to say this: Erina and I have been blacklisted amongst our classmates coz of leadership failure. A few days ago Erina told me that Andrew gave us some advice that I convieniantly forgot about. But today when Andrew dropped the bomb I was already feeling so mad. Conversation went something like this:

A: Hey, for your info, you and erina considered blacklisted.
Me: Yes? Why?
A: To your own classmates. Leadership failed.
Me: Fine. You so smart, you take the position back lah. I dun really care about them.
A: I'm just telling you. Why got so serious all of a sudden? Did I say something?
Me: Er...Yeah! U think it's so easy to get them to shut up? If it's so easy u do it. Seems to me that u do whatever they wan without bothering about the consequences. And when me and erina try to do the right thing we get blamed. Thx alot andrew now I'm feeling SOOOOOO much better.
A: Felt better screwing me? Erh U got blamed is it nice? You know how i bare with it when i got blamed?

And it goes on and on. I was being totally sarcastic, and I was crying. Then I smsed Timmy abt the whole situation and truth be told, he was giving me better advice than Andrew is. Andrew's just acting like some this-is-your-fate-bear-with-it guy. I can't believe him. I told him that I was just trying to do my job, and if it makes me cruel, then so be it. He told me not to be like Min Yap and say "so be it."

Andrew is a hypocrit. He tells the class to lower down, and the next minute he's yakking with them like mad. And this makes the class like him more than me and Erina.

And Erina is not much help either. She's never around, and when she does she's always falling asleep and leaving me to deal with the class. Hey, at least Timmy's pushing me for the makeover.

Andrew says that frm now on he'll help us if we need it. This is actually what he said:


[[Ryuu]DreW]P.T.I]™ says:
i'm saying if you and erina agree
[[Ryuu]DreW]P.T.I]™ says:
i'll come back
[[Ryuu]DreW]P.T.I]™ says:
to help
Taylor, Angel of Faith, Guardian of Stars, Gatekeeper of the Mystic Realm says:
and wat can u do?
Taylor, Angel of Faith, Guardian of Stars, Gatekeeper of the Mystic Realm says:
r u able to keep the class quiet for at least ffiteen minutes?
[[Ryuu]DreW]P.T.I]™ says:
you'll see
[[Ryuu]DreW]P.T.I]™ says:
no
[[Ryuu]DreW]P.T.I]™ says:
but i can keep them low
[[Ryuu]DreW]P.T.I]™ says:
can you keep a dog quiet?
Taylor, Angel of Faith, Guardian of Stars, Gatekeeper of the Mystic Realm says:
i keep mine quiet
[[Ryuu]DreW]P.T.I]™ says:
yea
[[Ryuu]DreW]P.T.I]™ says:
cause
[[Ryuu]DreW]P.T.I]™ says:
it likes you
[[Ryuu]DreW]P.T.I]™ says:
right?
[[Ryuu]DreW]P.T.I]™ says:
same thing
[[Ryuu]DreW]P.T.I]™ says:
to the class
[[Ryuu]DreW]P.T.I]™ says:
understand?
Taylor, Angel of Faith, Guardian of Stars, Gatekeeper of the Mystic Realm says:
my dog isnt quiet coz i pet her
Taylor, Angel of Faith, Guardian of Stars, Gatekeeper of the Mystic Realm says:
its coz if she's not quiet my mom hits her
Taylor, Angel of Faith, Guardian of Stars, Gatekeeper of the Mystic Realm says:
u wan me to do that i'm fine with it
[[Ryuu]DreW]P.T.I]™ says:
lol
[[Ryuu]DreW]P.T.I]™ says:
wow
[[Ryuu]DreW]P.T.I]™ says:
no no no
[[Ryuu]DreW]P.T.I]™ says:
well there is another way
[[Ryuu]DreW]P.T.I]™ says:
to work this out alright
[[Ryuu]DreW]P.T.I]™ says:
so stay calm all times
[[Ryuu]DreW]P.T.I]™ says:
its for your own good
[[Ryuu]DreW]P.T.I]™ says:
just take it easy
[[Ryuu]DreW]P.T.I]™ says:
alright?
[[Ryuu]DreW]P.T.I]™ says:
why people dont obey you?cause they dont know you and you're not nice to them and you're not making them agree with what you say
[[Ryuu]DreW]P.T.I]™ says:
then what you should do is be nice to them keep your own anger and throw it away talk to them nicely make them your friend

Easy for you to say. You're their hero and I'm just....some temp job. I tried to quit today in Seni but Erina and Candice wouldnt accept it. They forced me to take it back. Now I can't help but wonder, how many people in 3 Dahlia dislike me and Erina? How many people aren't really my frens, but just random people who want to see me fall? Who can I trust? Are you friend or foe? Because I really don't need this right now.

Erina had said it's bad for me to keep myself in fantasy too much, but doesn't she know that it's the only place I can hide? Where everything will automatically be okay? When I enter that realm, I'm no longer me; I'm Taylor, and Chris and Danika and Leo, they'll all be there. No more suffering; no more pain, just a place where I can dream and be the true me. The me no one ever gets to see.

I'm the girl that's so cold because she's afraid of getting hurt again, of being betrayed; I'm the girl that doesn't know who to trust, because everyone's just waiting for me to crash and burn; I'm the girl that is only able to escape all the hate by just living a few hours in a dreamscape, where no one can ever find me; I'm the girl that is so sick of being used, that refuses to break down but can't help it.

What can I do? I'm sick of doing everything wrong and having people shout at me; I'm even sicker of doing everything I'm supposed to be and have more people shout at me. Am I just destined to be an outsider for the rest of my life?

Now the question remains: Will I fly, or will I crash and burn?

Or will I continue to be used by people I barely know?

Will I fight back...

...or join the club?

Should I please everyone...

...or do what I think is the right thing, regardless of everyone else?

Everyone says I've gotta be strong, do what Andrew does--he makes frens and they obey him. But it's not that easy.

Or it is?

What should I do, Timmy?

You tell me.

1 comment:

sweetascandy92 said...

Hey Elyssia , I Know Its Hard For You To Go Through This , You Think Its Hard For Me ? I Sleep Because I Know , Shouting Doesnt Work . Im Thinking Of Quitting Too . But You See , The Others , They Can Control The Class Better Than Us . But Do They Do Work ? Thats The Case . That Is Why . You Think I Never Worry About It Or Anything . But Actually , I Do . Its Just That . Sometimes I Admit I Give Up Too Easily . I Just Say . Who Cares Its Their Fault Its Not Mine . But Slowly Im Learning , Learning That Sometimes , even When It Isnt Your Fault , It Is . You Get Blamed For It . Its Not Your Fault The Class Is Like That , Its Mine And The Classes . Me For Giving Up On Them And Not Taking The Whole Controlling The Class Thingy Seriously , And Them For Not At Least Trying To Lower Down Their Voices . One Hand Cannot Clap . If Its Only Me That Try , And They Dont , Now That Is No Use Is It ? And Yes , I Wish There Was A Post Like " Work-Doers" And "Class Controller" . The School Should Do That . But What Im Saying Is , Im The One That Should Be Pissed Off . Not You . You Are Indeed Doing Your Duties . And As For Who Is Real And Who Is Fake , I Cant Tell You That , But I Sincerely Hope You Know That No Matter What , As Happy Go Lucky As I Seem To Be , I Think Of These Things Secretly . I Have Some Problem . I Dont Like Letting People See Me Sad . You See , The Whole Thing With Junyu , You Knew I Could Still Smile About It Right ? But Do You Know What Happens Behind A Locked Door ? I Constantly Even Attempted Suicide Too . As Broken As I Am , I Dont Express It . I Tell People Im Tired But They Cant See It On Me . I Smile , I Laugh Every Day But Little Do They Know What Im Going Through ? I Used To Express Very Well . But Now I Know That Some Fake Friends Actually Laugh Upon It And Make Matters Worse . So There Are Even Some Problems That Only God And I Knows That I Face .
Hell Yes , Who Doesnt Wish The Class To Be Better ? I Wanted To Try Andrews Advice . But Honestly , Ask Yourself . Some Of Them Are People You Cant Stand , Making Friends With Them Will Actually Only Make You More Miserable . I Know There Are Some . So What . You Think We Should Lend Them Our Homeworks All The Time Bribe Them ? IT Will Solve Problems Temporarily , But Not Forever .
I Will Work With You From Now On And Try To Solve Problems .
And By The Way , Leaders Are Not Those Who Never Fail But Those Who Succeed After Failure . Get My Drift ?
Pull Yourself Together Ely . Im Trying To Too . Work Hard And Let Them See A Difference , No ? At Least After We Try Our Best , And Even Though We Dont Succeed , At Least We Tried . Giving Up Means You Fail , Pronto . Trying , At Least There Is Still Hope.

And Dont Care Who Gets Blacklisted . Seeking Everyones Approval Is Just So Not , Erm , IN . Ive Learned That You Cant Please em All . Trust Me . Ive Been Through It . Just Be Yourself . And Those Who Love You For It Are Only Your True Friends . =)

Much Loves . Cheer Up .

TRANSFORM !

xxx