Frostian Phrasing

So my printer is not working, which sucks since I need to print something out.

Uh, as you all know, I need to burn off internship hours at the A Levels Department since I received the scholarship. So when they called, I volunteered two hours on 3rd Jan to help with orientation. Thank God I'm not retaking Physics Unit 1 since there's a seminar for it later on 3rd Jan. Speaking off, I find it a bit odd that we have seminars for Physics but not for Chem or Bio. Just a bit odd.

Anyway, back to the topic at hand - and I'm typing this with my head turned backwards since my sis is nearby and I don't want her to read this and begin any snarky comments. I'm a genius for not making a typo hehe - so I got a call yesterday saying that would we please show up tomorrow at eleven for a pre-orientation-volunteering briefing? Yeah, sure why not.

And it happens.

For the first time in goodness knows how many years, Harimau Malaysia wins 4-2 on aggregate in a football match against Indonesia. It's such a big deal over here that the PM declared tomorrow a public holiday. Yep. Doesn't make much of a difference to me since I am still on holiday, but whatever. The next thing I know, mum's yelling at me to call up HELP to ask since they're not allowed to open on public holidays (something to do with, if you want people to come in and work then you need to pay them and no one likes to suffer a loss).

That's right.

Thus I picked up the phone and called HELP (I actually had the number saved into my phone; that's how many times they've called me for some reason or other), got put through to the A Level's Department and a guy came on the line and yep, I asked my question.

Imagine my glee when they said that, yes, they won't be open tomorrow. So for a split second I thought, this is it! I don't need to go for a meeting! WOOOO!!

Then my elaborate fantasies - where I am suddenly Queen of the World, am leading an army into war, sitting on a golden throne with a crown on my head and a smirk worthy of Morgana on my face - came to an abrupt end a split second later when the guy said that the meeting had been pushed up to 4 pm, today.

Cue a loud, mental WHAT!!!

Genius....what a gushing genius.

Hence I am now dressed up (well, as dressed up a pair of jeans and a blouse looks next to shorts and a KDU T-Shirt, that is) waiting for the clock to tick, tick, tick....

But before I bore you all with the ticking, let me introduce to you my latest fascination *coughobsessioncough* with the latest addition to my "List of Beautiful/Pretty/KickAss Female Actresses/Characters". Now, they're not in any particular order, I'm just ranting them off as I go. Keira Knightley (thank you for the multiple lessons in my faux-British accent!), Katie McGrath (they should expand more on you in Freakdog, dear), Morgana le Fay (I am Queen of Camelot), Emilia Fox (there's something about the way she plays Nikki Alexander that's so utterly funny even when it's a serious situation), Morgause (Our Fearsome Champion), Michelle Ryan (Bionic Woman, need I say more?), and on that note, Nimueh/Jaime Sommers. Emma deLauro/Lara Perkins etc. I bet there's loads more I could mention, but these are my chart-toppers.

Yes, I mentioned Katie and Morgana even though they're the same person (Katie plays Morg) but there are different qualities about each of them that makes me list them individually. Ditto for Emilia/Morgause and Michelle/Nimueh/Jaime.

And now, for the latest addition....

Drumroll please....

Starring in 2011's X Men First Class is.....

The White Queen, Emma Grace Frost!!!

Dude, seriously, if by now you're staring at the screen going HUH? please, please please Google Emma Frost. Really, she's utterly fascinating. Constantly dressed in skimpy white clothing (which I was attracted to - the idea of wearing white all the time, not the skimpy bit) she's a brilliant telepath and she can turn her body into inorganic diamond! How cool is that?

~By the way. That rip off in X-Men Origins: Wolverine? The end part where they all hide behind the blonde girl who shimmers like she's encrusted with diamonds? (though much more tastefully done than Edward Cullen) Yep she's Emma Frost. OK, so maybe I'm just jealous that she gets a cool name, cool powers and is the head of a multibillion company, but I was a bit, "OMG TWILIGHT!!" when I saw the diamond special effects. The actress is pretty, but when I think diamond I imagined her made entirely out of diamond, with the cool planes and sharp features, not Edward Cullen.~

And yep, I actually printed out a 82 page fanfiction just because Emma Frost and Jean Grey were starring in it, and I'm really addicted to characters like Emma.

And Severus Snape.

Ye-ah. People don't buy that, but I do.

It's the attitude. I'm a sucker for smart, intelligent people who are snarky and formerly evil and can insult you in such a eloquent way you're torn between feeling awed by all the big words, or angry at being called an "insufferable know-it-all", or just plain *makes a whistling noise* what did that word mean. Mmhmm it's the attitude.

And the voice. Everytime I read fanfics with Emma in it, I imagine a low, quiet sort of voice that borders on amusement and plain insulting. And Alan Rickman's voice just won me over. Just like how every actor playing Wolverine needs the deep husky-ish voice, all of my formerly-evil-but-sarcastic-Hogwarts-teacher-or-Headmistress-of-Massachusetts-Academy characters must have The Voice. I'm capitalising it. And I have no idea why I keep rooting for the older, learned (read: professor/headmistress) kinds. Hmm.

Blast. Supposed to be doing Stats now. Duh. Half an hour more to go before I need to leave. Joy.

And my exam starts in oh, less than ten days.

Gushingly glad we had this opportunity chat.

207

So my hands are really shaking a bit due to the excessive amounts of caffeine I'd just ingested so if there are any typo errors, do forgive them.

Mocks are next week and I really haven't done much studying. Shocking I know. And I'm slacking. But like I mentioned in my journal, there is nothing more on the subject that I can say except that I will study harder and do better. Not, study hard and do well. I'm already studying hard (more or less, since we're having weekly tests) but I will study harder, since I badly want to do so well for this second semester, which can make or break me. Melodramatic much? I hear you say, but it is this melodrama that makes me actually sit up, because I know I can do better, as long as I put my mind to it.

Went out to Tesco today, got sidetracked by the Uniball Signo 207 pen which I bought on a whim (despite it being RM 4.90, which I thought was a bit pricey for a pen, but my sis mentioned that she got her Uniball for RM 6 plus at Popular bookstore so this is cheap in comparison) but which again, just like the Pilot Frixion Erasable Pen (RM 5.90, and I only got it for about several months before I realised I'd never use it and then it got itself broken, though I might have made it worse), I wa really disappointed. It was smooth, sure, but the ink was a bit too blue. Obviously, it was a blue pen, but the shade of blue was to the point that, written next to my existing G1 blue pen (which I consider to be the best pen I'd ever used), it made the dark blue ink of my G1 look purple.

Yeah, no kidding. Purple.

So now I know, don't buy pens on a whim. Though it will probably happen again (I'm easily seduced by stationery and books) but now I know better. Research, research, research.

Anyway, yesterday right after class, my dad bought me to NAZA, where we checked out some cars and I fell in love with the Chevrolet Cruze. My dad's (well, mum's, actually, but she doesn't drive it anymore and so my dad took over) Chevrolet Optra is the car I actually admired since it's really spacious in the back (that I can easily stretch out without issue) and it's a really nice, heavy car to drive. But the Chevy Cruze was lovely. Nothing else can properly describe it. They had a black Cruze in the showroom, and while Dad chatted with the dealer, I was running around the car, literally in car heaven.

It looked small from the outside, but it had really good leg room in the back (a must have since I've got really long legs) and the driver's seat was lovely. The doors were heavy, but it had a good solid feel to it. It even had a thingy so that you could drive auto or manual, however you like.

It had wooden panelling along the doors and the dashboard, and the speedometer area was done in such a way that my dad said it resembled that of a sports car. The front passenger's place was lovely, but the glove compartment was half the size of that in my Chevy Optra. The boot was geniusly large. Really, I told Dad that I could easily hide a whole body (maybe two) in the boot without issue. One thing my dad didn't like was how they placed the tools in a mould right under the point the spare tyre would be. They'd be jerked loose after a long while, he said, and it'd be a hassle to remove the spare just to get to them. However, overall it was nice. It looked so understated, so small on the outside, but when you take a look inside, it was really nice and huge. It was such a lovely car, and the shade of black was perfect.

Huh. Maybe they were right; black is slimming.

We then made a U-turn and went to the other side of the road to check out the Peugeot 207, for which we had high hopes of buying. We were sorely disappointed. The design was lovely; sleek and, for the lack of a better word, aerodynamic. But the interior designer should be shot, because it really was very cramped inside. The driver's seat was nice, but once you pushed the car back a bit to accomodate your large frame, you don't have anymore leg room. And the doors weren't solid. They felt a bit too light for me, and when closed, it made a loud THWACK sound instead of the muted THUD you get from the Chevy Cruze.

The boot was large, but what's the point when the back's not spacious enough? And I was such a big fan of Peugeot till now. Then we found out that the 207 was actually an upgrade from the Peugeot 206 hatchback. Gosh.

Afterwards we checked out the Peugeot 407. And for info's sake, people, it's pronounced Poo-zjeo. The second syllable is a bit French accent-y (Duh, it's a French car!) so it's kinda like poo-ju-oh? Something like that. Because some of the people I know (who don't know cars, so I can hardly blame them) pronounce it Malaysian-style: Pew-G-ot. Yeah.

Onward to the 407. It was marginally better than the 207, but it hadn't really regained my confidence back to the French, so looks like I have to stop dreaming of owning a 607 for now. One problem I had with the 407 was that the gear stick was on the other side of the middle bit, meaning it was right next to the passenger's seat. Not a problem ordinarily, but the middle compartment/arm rest was jutting out too much that I literally had to reach over just to grip the gear stick. Like Chris said, not really a bother, since it's automatic, but I'd rather not have it that way.

So yes, this week I let off steam by replaying the piano (which I really need to tune and fix since some of the keys stick - hey, I've had it since I was fix? six?) and I managed to figure out by ear the beginning and main bit of The Battle Narnia, and I'm working on it. Also, I've been rewatching King Arthur (with Clive Owen an Keira Knightley) and I got so inspired by that and Merlin that I've finally figured out a simple but elegant design for my own coat of arms. (The previous ones were equally dashing but had too much detail on them - I'd been focusing too much on having so many royal standards that I lost sight of what I really wanted it to be) and I've been looking for tutorials online on how to draw mythical creatures due to that. So yes, I'm sketching again.

My hands are much too jittery for me to continue typing, and I'm having a bit of problem breathing (can't imagine why, been this way throughout dinner) so I'm gonna stop here for now.

Till next time.

Red Light

Well, I'm currently munching roasted chestnuts in front of the laptop, feeling frustrated because I was supposed to do my Chem Unit 3B as well as my Stats homework and past year question, as well as study for my electric field test on Thursday, but I woke up late today to a really nice American breakfast of eggs, sausages and beans. Went out for lunch at this really nice curry fish head place, came back feeling exhausted, so I only did my Chem homework (not the 3B though) and promptly feel asleep.

Had every intention of waking up half an hour later, but really, I actually woke up 2 hours ago, at seven in the evening. Yep, shows you how exhausted I am. And since I woke up late, and no one made dinner, the chestnuts mentioned above became it. That and a small slice of brownie.

Throat is perpetually sore, and have to keep clearing my throat every now and then. Voice changed a bit, especially during the first couple of days, and since it hurts too much to talk then, it's become deeper by a hint, though it'll probably wear off once I'm healed.

And Malese Jow rocks! Anna from Vampire Diaries anyone? For male vamps, I support Team Damon, but for females, I got for Team ANNA! Seriously, they shouldn't have killed her off. Her single, Red Light is fair. Catchy, in a disco dance sort of way, but "You Left Me In The Air" strikes a chord with me better than Red Light. The latter has a catchier title though. So go listen!!!

From Crawling To Walking To Running, We Move Upwards And Outwards Until We Die.

As a natural process of life, we fall in and out of things. We grow into some habits, and fall out of others. Undeniably, the most common phrase is, "We fall in love, we fall out of love," or something to that effect. This is just a short introduction for the main point of my post today: Falling Out of Love.

With Chemistry.

Dude, what did you expect?

The story starts way back when I was a kid. Constantly curious, always wanting to know why, poking her head into everything. Once I jammed the lock in the store room with a bit of wire because I wanted to learn how to pick a lock but the wire I had was slightly too thick. So the whole world came crashing down and it took my dad a couple of hours to get the door all fixed up.

And I read. A lot. Anything and everything I could find. From the ailments and sicknesses a toddler to get (I found a very informative book with lots of pretty pictures and diagrams) to Reader's Digest and all that sort of educational thing. And I watched a lot of TV. Whoever said kids can't learn anything by staring at the idiot box is either an idiot...or he's just jealous that he doesn't own one. Because most of what I've learnt about forensics, hypnosis, basically, the basis of my scientific and general knowledge came from two sources: Books and TV. I learned about thermite way before they taught us this in Form 5. I learned about DNA. And what I couldn't get from the TV or books I got from the Internet.

Naturally, it seems fitting that I go into science. And I loved every bit of it. Science explains everything so wonderfully. It's kind of like, you never truly see the potential of something until it's explained to you scientifically. It's when your eyes start to open and you go, "Hey...that's right."

Of all 3 sciences they taught us, Chemistry was my favourite. It was a combination of memory andhands on processes, and I loved it. I already had an ingrained sense of love towards science, and I didn't like Chemistry because the teacher was good, or because I like the teacher. No, I liked it because Chemistry opened my eyes to a whole new dimension.

When we came to college, the first thing they told us was that we could not memorise, we had to understand. And I believed in what they said, and I agreed wholeheartedly. So I sought to do the best I could.

What a fool I was.

This semester, the workload increased. I get that, it was expected. Nothing I couldn't handle. But then the lecturer started bombarding questions at us, and when we didn't answer, boy, did she get into a whole lot of shelling. It's moments like this that make me dread going into that class, my favourite class, because I simply don't know when I'm going to get chewed out and be made to look like a fool in front of everyone else.

The fact that the lecturer in question is strict partly contributes to the matter. My class does Chemistry homework and we go all frantic over it, because we're afraid that she's going to kill us if we didn't finish our homework. And I hate that, because I'm doing homework not because I want to challenge myself, or because I truly love the subject (yeah, I happen to like doing homework) but I do it out of fear.

Fear.

I can't believe what I'm saying but it's true. I do my homework partly out of fear.

And is that the way to go? We're all scared and bullied into doing exercises, and no doubt, it's beneficial to us in the long run, but I can't remember how long ago when I used to do a couple of pages extra, out of my own choice, because I was truly on a run. And this sickens me because I'm near killing myself studying for Chemistry so that I can answer her questions and not incur her wrath on me, and I don't even like her that much. And I can't even be bothered to study ahead for Biology, which has turned into one of my favourite classes to go even though the material is boring, because the lecturer is extremely cool and fun. He makes everything so accessible and come to life. And I really enjoy his classes; I'd feel so guilty that I didn't do his work when I respect him that much. The only motivation I have to do well in my next exams is that, with his teachings, I managed to get an extremely high score for Biology, even higher than Chem, and I want to excel that score for this coming exams, because I want to see that look of pride on his face, to know that I am where I am thanks to him.

And no, this isn't an ode of love to my biology teacher. I don't do student-lecturer relationships.

I don't believe that this applies to me only. Everywhere I look I see that we are going more and more lax. The eager-to-please students from Semester 1 have all but disappeared. We used to ask so many questions, used to have so much fun in studying. Now, we are all shells of our former selves.

And that thing about not memorising? Yeah, turns out that we were yelled at for not having the information at our fingertips, that we needed to understand, not memorise. Sorry to burst your bubble, sweetheart, but we need memory work as well, yeah? What's the point of understanding the concept if you can't remember what you were supposed to understand?

If my self-censor hadn't been kicked into place a while back, I would have been so tempted to end this with a "Screw you."

Of Cats and Ostrich Worms

So the baptism was over and such. Overall, minus the fact that I had mild chlorine allergies, it was more fun than I expected. Had a good old jaw with the cousins, and have a remarkable time throwing my youngest cousin (who celebrated her birthday on that day as well) into the swimming pool several times as a form of "dunking".

Have been having an OK time in college lately, and my sis got a new laptop, which is really cool and nice...Healthwise, my ear kinda hurts a bit, but I think it'll be over soon. Bio, particularly, was the only class in which we traded barbed insults and jokes. Seriously, at the beginning of semester 1, Mr Low was really shy and unsure about joking around with us, but this sem, I think he's gotten used to our class and thanks to our influence (ahem!) he's getting more and more sarcastic in that funny, bumbling, Mr Low way.

Some examples:

In biology, the last class, we were doing Species and Evolution, which sounds fascinating but can get really confusing if you zone out half way. So Mr Low was talking about genus, and species and how the definition of species is a group of organisms that can interbreed to produce fertile offspring, keyword being fertile. And he was giving us examples.

"...Two different species cannot interbreed to form fertile offspring....Check if, let's say, this tiger and an African tiger -- wait, there is no African tiger!" (It's true, google it. No current tigers in Africa, but fossils state tha sabre-tooth tigers lived there once upon a time.)

And then today, he was going through the whole biodiversity thing with us, where he was talking about different techniques for measuring biodiversity in a habitat, such as quadrat sampling and the capture-mark-recapture technique. So he asked the class in general if we ever did the CMR technique.

All of us gave an unsure, "Uh....no...."

He tried to jog our memory. "I'm sure you did something basic experiment like this back in Form 4, Form 5. You know, where you take a bowl and fill it with red beans, and then you remove a handful, and you mark with or something, and your beans are," he thought a bit, "your beans are, 'Rabbits' and --"

Cat interrupted. "Ha! Beans that hop!" And she mimicked a bean jumping around and the whole class burst into laughter and Kerrine was looking at Cat, with the look on her face that clearly spelt out "LAME".

Mr Low continued, trying to hold in his laughter; failed. "Then you put the handful of beans back into the bowl, and then you mix it around, to mean that your 'rabbits' are mixing around amidst the population." For some reason, everyone laughed at this. "And then you grab another handful, and you count how many beans are marked--"

"Oh, oh, I remember doing this experiment!" Shangeeth contributed excitedly. "Guys, don't do this experiment, you have to count all the beans, and mix it up, it's so immature lah..."

Mr Low grinned. "So I hope that since you are all, uh, mature enough, we don't have to do this experiment..."

Shan cut in again. "So what? The packet of beans is your entire population?"

This thing lasted the entire class. Mr Low was talking about crossbreeding, and how, maybe, people crossbreed different species of cows. "So let's say you have this cow that gives a lot of meat, and you have this cow that gives out a lot of milk, so you crossbreed that cow with the bull that gives out a lot of milk--"

And the whole class shouted with laughter because, really? A bull that produces milk?

Sir tried to continue. "Sorry, not bull. So you take the bull and you crossbreed it with the cow of the different species--"

"And you get a bow," Lyn commented drily. Bull + Cow = Bow (rhymes with cow)

So naturally, this thing with cows leads to the tale of how Lyn is so gullible, she fell for Shean-Woei's story about how brown cows have moustaches. And Lyn fired the "Do brown cows have moustaches?" question at Mr Low with such conviction that he hesitated a bit (because, h later explained, she seemed really confident that such a thing happened) and Lyn used his hesitation to argue the fact that see, she wasn't the only one who fell for it. And Cat commented that at least Mr Low was better than Mr Ling, the Physics teacher.

Of course, my class being the way it is, demanded to know about the whole Physics teacher thing. I was present when it actually happened, and I couldn't resist laughing when that day (which was also the day Lyn fell for the moustached brown cows story) Shean-Woei was telling us about it and she told the same thing to Mr Ling, expecting him to scoff. Instead, he gave her the reaction of the century: "Ha? Really?"

Later today in bio, Mr Low started telling us about this particular species of worm.

ML: There's a worm that buries its head in the soil...

Cat & Fi in unison: Earthworm!

ML: No, another one --

Cat & Lyn in unison: Ostrich worm!

Then, you can't just end this story without some more laughs. There was an in joke someone started during Physics when we were doing capacitors and capacitance when all of a sudden, Cat and Kerrine started laughing. Seems that Alex, being his old lame self, smirked at Cat and said one word:

Cat-pacitors.

Moving With The Beat

And yes, due to immense pressure from people I know, I will abide your wishes and update my blog. It's probably going to be done in a few parts, and after you read this, there mayn't be anything left to mention in my email correspondence to the special few. And my memory's so skewed up I'm not going to bother to do stuff chronologically. In fact, I'm actualy referring to my journal to help me fill in the blanks.

Here goes.

The big news is: I'm getting baptized this coming Thursday. On Malaysia Day, which also happens to be my cousin's birthday. Yeah, all us 5 cousins are getting baptised together and our fathers get to dunk us in.

Due to that, we had to go to this Baptismal class I think on the first Saturday of the month. Woke up late, and got so worried about getting there on time to find out that we were the earliest people there. The 2-hour class finished in one hour, minly because we didn't ask questions, and we finished up quickly and went home. Spent the rest of the day in front of the idiot box.

Then, on Friday, we had a biology test later, so I was busy studying in the common room in KE since the labs (my first class was Physics lab) weren't opened yet. After a bit, I went into the girls bathroom at level one to tie my hair up properly, hot day and all. Turned around and grabbed the door knob to realised that the door wouldn't open.

Die.

So I started pulling at the stupid knob, cursing, getting severely traumatised and really really panicked. Wonder, really, that I didn't hyperventilate. Called my pal; she's still very far from HELP. And as I finished texting her, suddenly I got a text:

Oi. I'm here at KPD E. Come and get me.

Thank God my sister was there to save the day. I furiously sent off a text: I'm stuck in the toilet. Knob won't open. HELP!!! Started pacing around the cubicles, checking my watch every five seconds.....Why isn't she here yet?


After what seemed like eternity, my sis came and rescued me. I am free! And for the next ten minutes or so, I watched in undeniable pleasure and childish delight as girl after girl walked into the bathroom and get themselves locked in. The fun ended when I had to go to the lab.

Lab was over pretty quick, just a couple of practicals. Then we headed off to Wisma Help for the Bio test. Seems that our classroom had been used as an exam hall, so all the tables and chairs were in that exam hall seating. The moment we entered though, someon started crying for the tables and chairs to be rearranged. "We don't want Mr Low to remember that he gave us a test today," was the reasoning since Mr Low had set our test way back before the hols, "so everyone, let's rearrange the tables. Someone, rub the white board. Afterwards if he see the 'Law Exam' notice on the board he'll remember!"

To me it was pretty stupid. I mean, it's a test, yeah? So what's the big deal? We'll probably need to sit in alternate positions anyway. I ignored them, and sat right in front of the teacher's table. All around me, everyone was bustling into action. People were busy rearranging the furniture, but since we didn't really bother about the arrangements, it ended up with all the furniture being pushed and crowded against the left side of the room, leaving the right extremely empty.

"Hey, Ely. Come lah, move your table!"

Me, indignant. "Why? We're gonn have to move it back later anyway. What if the next class coming in for exam wants to use it?"

"Then we'll rearrange lah!"

Suit yourself. I'm not going anyway. In the end I was overruled and they pushed my table to the side.

No use anyway. Mr Low came in, raised a bemused eyebrow at the oddly skewed arrangement of the class, and with a lot of sarcasm and logic reasoning, managed to "persuade" us - more of politely ordering us - to rearrange the furniture back to the way it was before we had our exam. And then since we'd totally forgotten how the arrangement was, Shean-Woei kept popping over to the next class to give orders on the rearranging.

Hehe. In your face.

Still Decomposing...

So, third and final week of hols. Next Monday I'm to go back to class, followed by a day off due to Independence Day, and back to class again on Wednesday. Which is, frankly, terrifying, because next Thursday I've got a 20 MCQ test on Electricity for Physics, and on Friday I've got a Bio test, the whole of Topic 3.

And I'm trying to decide on what universities I want to go because we need to hand up our forms before the end of the month, and the only time we can do that is next Monday (30th August). A bit late minute as usual, but hey, we've been on holiday. What to do? Frankly, I think it's really unnecessary, because we can easily get the information directly instead of going through all the hassle of dealing with HELP as the middleman.

Ben's party on Saturday was extremely fun once we got going. At first, it was a bit awkward since I was the only girl there (yeah, all my girlfriends ditched me last minute - more or less) but Ben was extremely attentive to me and so was Chris, who had very graciously stayed by my side to ensure I wasn't too lonely before he had to leave to pick up Tarvinder. Thanks, guys.

But when Ben's pal, Nicholas Kurt arrived, everything seemed a bit brighter. I think that's partly due to his personality; he's got that kind of attitude where he could easily ease the awkwardness I've been feeling. And when we started playing on the piano together and singing, that was when I acually felt fun! And during dinner, he kept regaling my table with tales of teachers back in Taman SEA (incidentally, he's doing Form 6 in my old school) and made us laugh with his impressions. Even Montri, our old classmate currently studying hospitality in KDU and Kurt's so-called twin brother, contributed a bit when he told us the story of being mistaken due to his skin colour (he's half Chinese, half Thai): He went to order char siew fan (roasted BBQ pork rice) and the lady mistook him for a Malay and asked, "Kau boleh makan ke?" (Are you sure you eat that?)

Admittedly, the party was good overall (loved the herb-roasted potatoes and the satay) and the cake was lovely, but there were some low points as well. A pal of mine was acting off during the whole time and for a moment I briefly wondered if I had been the offending party. Later I realised that it wasn't completely my fault (though it was somewhat related to me) but I couldn't help feeling guilty.

Oh, and I got my May/June 2010 results. Not bad, not bad, but I could've done better. During our lunch before Ben's party (with me, Ben and Chris) I was telling them about my results and they were a bit stunned, I think, that I still thought it wasn't good enough. Then dear, dear Ben, who is absolutely the person who knows my character the best despite not really chatting with me much during this whole time, summarised it up in one sentence. "She's never satisfied until she gets full marks lah."

How true is that!

I Define My Life By Fictional Characters Who Kick Ass And Steal The Show

You'll always have me, but whether I'll have you in return remains to be seen.

Angsty music playing on, right now I'm listening to The Used. Lots of screaming, yelling, basically eardrum-bursting noise. Something that, despite my not too bad results, I need desperately.

Today is Ben and Shar's birthday, and going through their Facebook, I suddenly asked myself a question, "Why is it during someone's birthday, loads of people write them birthday wishes, but in real life, most of them aren't really people you keep in contact with?" Think about it. The only reason why people post birthday wishes for an individual is because of the fb notification, isn't it?

I get it, utterly depressing post and all that, but I can't help feeling drained. I bet even Chris is feeling the same; both of us running up and down to make Ben's party perfect. It's Ben, you know. The same Ben that cheers me up effortlessly. Ben's going off to Russia.

I think my results were alright. I'm not sure, though. I want to know what grade I got but all they're giving me is the UMS. I talked to Shar and she thinks I might have an A but I'm not sure. And it's that not knowing that bugs me. Because there is a very thin line between an A and a B. I think.

I don't write anymore.

I can't imagine why.

My head is filled to the brim of stories and tales, just begging to be told, but I am afraid of being cliched, afraid of losing my muse. It happens all the time; I get excited about something, an idea, the beginnings of a new adventure, and then, when I try to write, it falls to pieces. Maybe I shouldn't think so much, maybe I should stop reading so much into things, but I sit in front of the computer or I stare at a blank sheet of foolscap and I just...freeze.

Okay, this next piece was done a few year back, a little project Lou and I had been working on. We were planning a Girls Night Out sort of thing, and also a Party Prom thing because we weren't going to prom and we'd thought we have a prom thingy at Lou's place and Lou was trying to sketch out the different outfits we'd be wearing. So this is what happened over the course of several hours of phone calls:

For Party Prom (since GNO is just a night out and don't requir fancy stuff):

The theme is Red! Used to be purple, but now it's red.

Elyssia - Long Sleeve dress shirt (white/pinstripe), vest (black), red skinny tie (loosely - I feel like a dog wearing a lease), tailored pants (black), shiny tap-dancing shoes, black fedora with red ribbon (I wanted a bowler hat like Keira Knightley's in the Coco Chanel Mademoiselle ad but Lou was designing my outfit. Strangely I thought she'd given me a dress), puzzle locket wth long fine chain, white walking stick.
Inspiration: Dancer

Lou - Silver strappy heels, red dress (I cancelled out burgandy/wine red multiple times in my notebook), knee length, lightly flared around knees, glittery bits (I have no idea what this meant now).
Inspiration: Prom Queen

Gloria - White tube dress (short), sienna coloured wooden heels (wedges, I think), red flowers in hair, chunky bracelets (multiple).
Strangely enough my inspiration for her was a cocktail hostess, like she invited us to her place for cocktails and she's wearing that sort of outfit. Dunno why, that's how I see her.

Chiau - Bowler hat, red ribbon, red suspenders (Lou's idea) white tailored shirt, shiny shoes, Oakley sunnies (apparently she was supposed to be mod hip hop, whatever that is).

Karis - Backless, gold chain at the toe, wine red, god shoes, chandelier earrings. I think we took her to be the Greek goddess type.

Wendy - Happily ever after style (I can't believe I actually wrote that), sheer, empire waist, sleeveless tube dress, black/red ribbon choker, red peek toe shoes. Oh wait, apparently she's supposed to be a goddess as well.

I'm now very confused.

Holidays - Day 3

Well people!

It's Day 3 of my three-weeks mid semester break, and I'm currently bummed out at home, decomposing in front of the computer after trying, very unsuccessfully, to study Physics: Electricity for my after hols test. Why am I studying so hard? You might ask. Well, I like to get things done out of the way, so I can finish my To-Do List in this week and left the rest of the time to do...well, what, exactly, I have no idea, but I think I'll probaby repeat my To-Do List? It's kinda like when you get stuff finished to do your other irrelevant stuff and realised that they were the stuff you've already done?

No making sense? Yeah, me too.

I am incredibly mad at Blogger because I'd just typed out a super nice entry about my week so far and due to some incredibly heart-jerking experience (I accidentally pressed Ctrl and the dash and almost screamed as I watched the page shrink; Ctrl + to enlarge) I accidentally left the page hence nothing is saved.

Anyway, as I was saying before the heart-attack inducing moment, I've got lots of stuff to do: Start another Merlin marathon, for one - Don't ask; it's a holiday ritual - and actually understand what dear Colin Morgan is saying when he does the spells, thanks to this cool website where they have all the translations. Besides, I miss seeing Katie McGrath (Freakdog, anyone? Also called Red Mist) and her chemistry with Emilia Fox, both of whom are utterly adorable! Yes, call me obsessed. But they're hot. And brilliant at acting.

Also, I need to start looking for Universities to apply to so I can start next September right after my A Levels. It's extremely horrible to sift through tons of webpage information that don't really help, not to mention that it's hard to find colleges that offer the course I want done locally but with an overseas degree. Yes, I'm picky, I know.

The only good thing so far is that I now have time to exercise and eat healthy. Seriously, I've devoured a whole plastic carton of both fresh apricots and strawberries over the course of the past couple of days. Alone. Hey, it was lying in the fridge and no one was eating it and I was hungry...

The free time also gives me a chance to properly do laundry the way I like it. Call me domestic, but I actually enjoy folding clothes and stuff. The only requirement is that I fold them the way I like to so that it doesn't crease and all. I'm really OCD on that, and hand washing, and doing things in general.

But now I've got a problem. Ben's leaving for Russia in one month plus time so we're planning a going-away party for him this weekend to coincident with an early birthday thing. The thing is we don't know where to put the venue (preferably somewhere near everyone can go to) and what to get for his birthday. So let me know if you have an idea about it.

Happy Birthday

First of all,

HAPPY BIRTHDAY EMILIA FOX!!

Yes, the only reason why I actually cared to sign in and blog today was because it was Emilia Fox's birthday. If you don' know who she is, Google Morgause from Merlin. Seriously, she and Katie McGrath have got such brilliant sibling chemistry together in that show.

As such, it is totally in her honour that I am playing backgammon, a ridiculously difficult game to comprehend unless you go to Youtube and look for MonkeySee videos. (I think so, something about monkeys anyway). It was there that I finally figured out what backgammon was all about and I'm really starting to enjoy it. I've been playing it online since March this year, but only recently I've got the time to actually come online and play it again. Bother my laptop. Something's gone wonky so I have to backspace every now and then to remove my typos.

So it is here that I am eating my dinner, playing backgammon and listening to Madeline Peyroux's Half the Perfect World, which is really good jazz might I say. And I'm having fun. I'm 52 points ahead while my opponent (the computer) is 102. Really, if it weren't for that interview where Emilia said she was good in backgammon, I wouldn't have discovered this cool game. I mean, how many teenagers you know plays backgammon? They probably don't know what it is.

And I won!!

And I've realised that I've not been very sociable lately. Sorry, it's just that things pop up at times. My Chem teacher has postponed class due to an emergency and so we have to replace it at an awkward time (2-4 pm) Really we just want to go home. But what to do? It's chem. And the list for out mentors/academic advisors were out on Friday, so after Bio class at Wisma HELP we walked all the way back to KPD E, speculating as to who would be our mentor. Considering that most of my class wanted to do medicine or dentistry, I was guessing that 99% of the class's mentor would be Chem teacher Ms Kana.

I was spot on.

I didn't really mind. Since I wanted to do either biotechnology or biochemistry (always did like chemistry) - Never medicine, thank God! - I was banking on either Mr Low (bio teacher) or Ms Kana to be our mentor. Because I wasn't interested in engineering at all (there goes the Physics teacher) and it makes absolutely no sense for a Maths teacher to be your advisor when you want to do biotech (Bye, Ms Tan!) it was down to Mr Low or Ms Kana.

Figures, really.

Zhi Sim wanted Mr Low because he was so adorable and approachable, but strangely enough, her name wasn't on the list hence she couldn't find out who her mentor was. Weird. Some people's names were also missing. So far the only one I know whose mentor was not Ms Kana is Chew Yongxian, who plans to take engineering hence Mr Ling (Phy) as his mentor.

Really curious to see who the troublemakers in my class got as their mentor.

Cheers.

Biology Class

I've been leaving the blog more dead than alive for the past several weeks. I sincerely apologize to the few who have been checking in regularly but I don't have much to talk about.

The only thing that I found worth talking about was today in Biology class. Mr Low was projecting on the screen a coloured chart of the male reproductive organ from front and side views. Hey, we were studying sexual reproduction.

So he was pointing out the different processes that occured in the testes, seminiferous tubules etc when Ronnie pulled a look and said, "Yer. Disgusting!"

And of all the replies we thought Sir was use, this was the most unexpected.

"Why disgusting? So colourful what."

Insane

I am feeling undeniably sick.

There's this weird feeling that an axe is looming right above my head, waiting for the right moment to fall. I feel anxious, weak to my knees, panicked enough to wring my hands over and over again.

It's so strange. There are people who feel normal when faced with the exact same situation; others who feel worried but are determined to be confident and brave. These people reassure me, telling me that it's going to be alright.

But I can't bring myself to believe it. I guess it's because I want to pass this so strongly that anything, anything at all, bearing the slightest resemblence to defeat abhors me. That's the way I see things, you could say. It's either all or nothing with me. Pass with flying colours, or else. There is no middle ground. This strange feeling is causing me to be worried over the smallest things, thanks to my perfectionism issues.

The thing about this weird death warning:

It's just my driving test tomorrow.

No pressure, right?

In Which I Was Enamoured With Prince Tus Than Prince Dastan

Yes, in case you didn't know, I prefer older brother Tus than Dastan from Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time.

Yep, went to watch it just now. Had a couple of free tickets so Dad and I went all the way to Mid Valley Megamall (Just because GSC 1 Utama is not on the list of GSCs where the ticket was applicable and the only one with PoP was MVM) to catch the 1.45pm show. Just in time, since we left the house at 12 something, reached at one pm, spent fifteen minutes searching for a parking spot, and by the time we were lining up it was almost one thirty.

Really, I forgot how much I hate lining up for tickets because the queue was absolutely long and it was seriously claustrophobic. Suddenly we heard over the loudspeaker: "All patrons who want to buy tickets for the following movies, please go to the Gold Counter." Then they rattled out a whole list of movies and I was waiting for them to say PoP: TSoT.

And then...

"....Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time, normal..."

and I stopped listening, dashed off to the counter at the opposite end, following the footsteps of another guy in a white shirt. Unfortunately we ended up at the booking/reservations counter, where the guy kindly pointed us to the opposite direction. Whereupon I dashed over to the other side again, followed quickly by my dad (who later admitted that he hadn't been listening to the announcement and was just chasing me around) and got into line as I explained to dad what the announcement said.

Indeed, I think not many people were listening to the speaker because it took them quite a while (long enough for the earlier white shirt guy to dash behind us) to start exiting the queue and lining up behind our line.

As a result, we got our tickets with ten minutes to spare while the other people had to continue waiting.

Moral of the story? Listen to the announcements.

The movie was superb. The plot was quite decent, but Dad and I were watching it only for the parkour scenes. Seriously, I'm really keen to pick it up. It's a very decent sport. Besides, I always liked the idea of jumping around and running on rooftops. Sounds very....Zorro-ish.

Jake Gyllenhaal (?) was surprisingly OK as Dastan. The fighting/parkour scenes were cool, but must've been very taxing. I liked Prince Tus very much. So maybe I've got a thing for manly, warrior guys with longish hair. They look better with a long mane as scruffy, grimy warriors but they appear effeminine when they're in modern day tuxedoes and stuff right? Unless you tie it up and get a small beard and whatnot.

The only one I didn't like in the movie was Princess Tamina. Sure, her one-liners were witty (Thank you, scriptwriters) but there's something about her that bugs me quite a bit. And it's often a big disappointment where the script goes, "...And they say the Princess/Queen/High Priestess/etc is the most beautiful woman in the land" but when the actress appears, I get that sinking feeling in my stomach as my inner voice goes, Where's the beautiful princess?

Don't get me wrong; Gemma is a brilliant actress in her own right, I'm sure. She's just not one of my favourites, sorry.

Anyway, since we have 2 more free tickets (yes, guys. I have a total of 4 free tickets) Dad and I were planning to catch another movie tomorrow. Maybe Karate Kid? I don't particularly like Jaden Smith but I do like the fighting. Yes, this is a girl who actually like swords and blood and gore and stuff. Believe me, I seriously like Perfume: The Story of a Murderer (even though I haven't actually finished it yet - the beginning part was good enough to entice me in. Lend me, anyone?) even though my two male friends who'd watched the movie half-way said they had to stop due to the excessive amount of gore even in the first scene.

Hey, I'm not like other girls.

Writer's Block Ends Up Pretty Productive

Sometimes, my head comes up with the most amazing questions. All of which I have yet to find an answer for.

Such as, if you pour alcohol out of a bottle, and while it's flowing out, you light the stream of liquid? My mind always wonders if the alcohol would catch fire, and since it's flammable, would the fire travel upward into the bottle since there is still some left inside? And then I wonder, would the bottle explode? It's something I bring up in times of boredom. I start theorizing about the different ways this could happen, until I asked a pal of mine and he told me, matter-of-factly, that alcohol in liquid form won't burn.

And sometimes I wonder what the heck's wrong with words. Blood contains haemoglobin, which is iron. So naturally if you bit your lip and taste blood it'd taste like iron, yeah? Why then, does every other story I read (guilty of commiting the same crime myself) describe it as "coppery?" It hardly tastes like copper, does it?

I am p.o.'ed.

Really.

Just got a call from my driving instructor. My ex-driving instructor, may I specify. A couple of weeks ago I postponed my lessons on Sat and Sun because I was having my A Levels exams. The fella sounded alright at the time, so I thought, OK. Don't have to worry about driving in between exams. So I asked if we could have the lessons the week after, when I've finished majority of my exams. He says he's on holiday then. I think I got the wth? Driving instructors have holidays? look on my face when he said that.

So we settled that when my exams were over, sometime in June, I'd call him up and arrange for me. That's exactly what I did, the first working day after my exams, which happened to be this Monday. He replied that he's still on holiday and won't get his teaching schedule till Thursday which just happens to be today. It's OK, I can still handle it. But I was getting seriously fed up of talking to him. For one, he's a Chinese fella who can't speak proper English and hence, I have no bloody idea what the heck he's saying half the time. Secondly, when I do stuff wrong, he acts as though it's all my fault (which is technically true but hey, I've only started driving, what, a couple times? Dude, you think I wanna mess this up?) And third, he smokes. Teaching me to drive, he smokes. Teaching me to park, he smokes. (OK, so he's got a great technique on how to park, but dude, that's probably his only redeeming factor.)

As a result, I asked my dad to talk to him instead. So Dad gamely does it while I run out for ice cream, and I come back to the car to see he's visibly frustrated because he's trying to explain to the fella that he's the father of Yours Truly (not gonna put my name up here) -- that's the other thing. It takes close to three minutes to explain who I am because he doesn't get my name that well and all.

Sorry, cantonese subtitles suck like hell.

"Peing kor?" (Who is it?)

"Hello, Ah ..... I'm (insert my name)." Yes, I used English.

"Meh wah?" (What was that)

In exasperation. "Ngor hai (insert my name). Lei gao zhar che kor zhek lui zai.* Sorry lah, my canto sucks terribly. I understand better than I speak. I sound like some ang mo. Faltering canto. * Basically translates to "I am...... The girl you taught driving to."

"Pin zhek?" (Which one? God, does he not remember the klutz who killed the engine multiply times?)

"Menjalara kor zhek." (The one from Menjarala)

"Meh wah?" (What's that?)

Exhale. Inhale. "Menjalara kor zhek lui zai." (The girl from Menjalara)

Silence. Then..

"Oh! Men zha la ra gor zhek lui zai!" (Yes, he pronounces it Men zha la ra. Chinese accent lah. Took him so bloody long.)

By this time I'm yelling at the phone even though I prefer taking calls politely without raising my voice (don't you just hate the way people practically scream into the phone and the other fella on the line screams back with equal loudness that you can listen in if you just concentrate?) but when I speak with him I feel like commiting murder.

And this happens every single bloody time I pick up the phone and dial his number.

Back to the story. Dad is trying to explain that he's calling to confirm my lessons that weekend. Then the fella says that he doesn't have any free slots this week and wants me to postpone it to next week, I think? Understandably, Dad gets upset at this because my lessons have been postponing for a few weeks already and if it gets any longer, I may forget all that I've learned. So Dad gets p.o.'ed, and he hangs up, and calls Metro instead to arrange for someone else to teach me.

Then me and my big mouth mentioned casually that my pal had Mr Lee who is good (sadly, the good one is Mr Cheong who left. Mr Lee is the impatient one. Hope I'm not putting my head on the chopping block here. :/ ) So Dad asked for Mr Lee. Then there was another big hoo hah about the time and dates because apparently Mr Lee does not teach on Sundays or something like that so after much debating (In which my dad kept muttering, "Let's not talk anymore. Let's just settle this.") my lessons are on Sat, Sat and Sun. Sats are in the evening while Sun is crazy ass early in the morning which means I need to wake up before dawn, go for my 2 hour lesson and then church and hopefully do the test the next day. Dad was pissed when he finally got everything done.

Then at roughly two minutes before I started ranting about my driving in this post, the fella called and told me Dad had called him (yeah, like I didn't know. I asked him to call, remember? I was present during the call.) So he went on about how this weekend couldn't work out and I mentioned, Hey, dude, my dad's getting me a new teach so don't worry about anything alright? Not the exact words I used (Canto, anyone?) but I was already incredibly annoyed by this time so yeah.

He then asked, Oh? Your dad called the Metro already? (Yep, people, Metro is the driving school). So I answered, Affirmative, soldier. Or something to that point. I thought he'd be cool with that. Turns out, he goes around then saying that he arranges the slots for me, but then I didn't want them (hey! I let you know in advance!) and how I'm supposed to call him to arrange but didn't (Dude! I did! You didn't have your schedule. What can I do?) and now that he's got slots for me next week I don't want to go. Then he hangs up. Abruptly.

Gosh, this whole driving thing is seriously driving me nuts!

Thankfully, Dad was of the same mind (that the driving instructor was nuts) and he said, "It's alright. Let's just get it over with. Prepare you for real life."

Go, Dad!

Finis.

With All We Used To Have

It's times like this I wish I can write sensibly.

Not that everything I'm currently writing is nonsensical, nor is everything I'm writing a complete and utter shit. It seems to me...that I type better than I write.

I try writing stories on paper, and they look bittersweet. Sweet, because the plot is lovely, but bitter because my handwriting isn't exactly the neatest. I can fix that though; it's what to write about that causes a bit of a block.

I've tried and failed, many times, to keep a journal. Not a diary; I loath writing "Dear Diary." It's a bit too...girl for me, and I hated nothing more than to be a girly girl. A journal it is, then. But the simple fact still remains that I'll probably never keep one, which is sad because I'm seeing so many notebooks that look just pretty, but I can never bring myself to buy one because I know they'll eventually go to waste.

The reason why I can never keep a journal is because I am only tempted to write in it when I have something profound and lovely to write about, or when I'm pissed off and mad and need to let off some steam. Unfortunately, the latter is more likely, and they never end up well. I still remember cleaning out my shelves the other time, and I remembered vividly how much I cringed when I reread a single entry about how I was mad at the world. It wasn't that it wasn't passionate enough; it just felt, weird? Childish? The words I used...so plain, so commonplace. I lashed out, and it was terrible, reading it again. Once more I felt like the strange kid with so much anger.

The fact that my handwriting wasn't exactly top-notch ruined it even more.

I have always envied the way people can stick to a diary or a journal for more than a month. It just feels to me that it's such a bother to write about daily feelings and all that. I much prefer to keep it all in my head, relive them. There was always this fear that if I ever wrote a diary, someone would one day find it out and read it. You'd probably think it be no big deal, but you have no idea how violated it feels.

A mate of mine used to write journals which she'd then send to me to read, kind of our little way to keep in touch. At first, I thought it was cool. I'd get to be updated on her life, and I'd get to see inside her head. Curiosity is always my biggest vice; there's always something inside my head that demanded for answers. How does it work? Why do we do this? Why does this happen? As more and more inadequate replies are given to me, I finally gave it up. I kept on asking questions, but instead of relying on others, I figured the only way I'd understand is if I do my own research. So I learn. So I know. It's probably one of the reasons why I rely more on my hands and myself and what I can do instead of on other people, even when I'm supposed to.

But I digress. (Which is weird because I never truly got what "digress" actually meant. Oh, it actually means to turn aside from a particular topic.)

So I read. And it was cool, for a while. Then as things started getting more and more personal, it felt as though I was violating her privacy, even though she'd handed me the journals with her permission to read them. In case you didn't know, I'm a really private person. It bugged me constantly, because if I already felt violated reading her deepest thoughts and feelings, how much more so, then, would I feel if someone had read mine?

Needless to say, after the first or second time of reading her journals, I completely stopped going through them for the remaining month or so before I returned them. It just felt wrong, is all.

Hey, you.

It's been a while since we chatted. I'm sorry, but it seems to me that, after a while, after we've exhausted everything, after everything that needs to be said and done has been said and done, I feel like there's nothing left. That there's this void that needs to be forded for something else to happen, for another topic of conversation to come up. Which will never happen the way you want it to.

It scares me a little that I feel strange in the beginning, when we didn't talk that much anymore. At first I thought that it's shifted, this whole thing. Then I realised that I was getting bored of everything. I'm sorry, but it's the truth. After we've done it all I feel the startings of boredom, suffocating me deeply. Or maybe it's just me. Maybe I'm so used to the way you were always there that it's becoming routine.

Finis.

Bloody Annoying

Maths was cool.

Biology was bloody annoying. Say that in a British accent. Bloody annoying.

Really you have no idea how much.

Let's talk about Maths first, shall we?

Right-o.

Maths was fun. Went in. Sat down. Exam docket and pencil box on table. Calculator not allowed. As usual, Erina came in late. Forgot her pencil. Had to dash to the front for it.

Flip. First page open, Surds! Love surds. 2nd Question was, I think, dy/dx. Yes!! I love dy/dx. And the cool bit, they have the question at the top and leave the rest of the page blank. Bit of a waste, ya think? Wait till you get to question 8 onwards. Give you 3 extra blank pages.

Question number__: integration. Not bad, love questions that gave 3 marks or more for something simple. Hehe, this is fun. Scribble, cancel out a bit, but got it in the end.

Arithmetic progression! No proving Sn unfortunately, but lovely question all the same. Finished in one hour. Spent the remaining 30 minutes stoning.

Biology. Bloody annoying.

Entered about ten minutes early, bloody head invigilator can't speak proper English. So we waited..

...and waited...

...and waited...

I was tapping my foot irritably by the time 1.30 came.

"You may start now."

Went for objective first. Shite, why is everyone going to structural? OK, I'll do that too. Oooh. Heart and circulatory system. Left ventricle...aorta...

Describe the stage in cardiac cycle and give a reason why.

Hey, I've done this! It's either AS or D, and it's because the AV valves are opened. Done! Next page.

Oh, hell.

Scribble 2 words (literraly) and move on. Bugger, who's the idiot who made this paper?

Internal chant: Damn, damn, bugger, shite!

Aw, crap. Guess X-Files was right after all. They really are out to get us.

Long story short, it was a awesomely hard to do paper.

I'm just not in the mood tonight.

Finis.

I Hate Being Sick During Exams.

I'm finding it hard to not get caught up in the excitement.

Hurdle number 1 has been passed successfully.

But there are still 4 more hurdles to overcome.

The stress got to me yesterday. Came down with a flu, ate some meds and a chock lot of vitamins and supplements it's ridiculous. Slept for 8 hours, woke up at 6 just to revise Chem. Ended up rereading all my notes for the second/third time. I'm buggered.

Napped again at one. Slept till 2. Then fell asleep again during revising. Slept till 3. Woke up, got into the car (scorching hot under the sun) and fell asleep on the way to college. Got into Wisma HELP at 4. Waited for Jeya. Went up to 4th floor together. Hung out outside LT 4.4.

Stopped studying after a while. Did some catching up, and we dissed--er, I mean, discussed a certain someone we know. Got bored. Started talking crap. People started filling in. Jeya and I were panicking. She didn't study alkenes. Kept feeling tired throughout.

Inside, they asked us to turn out our pockets to show we didn't smuggle any notes inside. Shit! My penknife and torchlight was in my pocket. What would they say to that? Dashed out of my seat, ran to my bag and stuffed all those incriminating objects into my bag and dashed back into my seat. Erina gave a grin as I passed. Eldwin behind me, Erina in front, David in the other room on my right.

Handed out the paper. Invigilator went through the rules. A lady came by, I turned out my pockets for her. A pack of tissues, my spectacle cloth, my keys. Passed. Breathed a sigh of relief. Started writing my candidate number and name. Hand was shaking. Fear, adrenaline and something else coursing through me. Excitement? Maybe.

"You may begin now."

Flipped all the way to the page where the structural started. Went through the first question. Shit. Scribbled something, moved on. Went to second question. Eyes widened. Double shit. Scribble something, moved on.

Third question. Finally, something I can bloody do! That's it, that's it, take your time. You've got all the time in the world. Keep an eye on the clock. Guess that's how I became obsessed with time. One eye on the clock. Don't rush.

Next question. Good girl, take your time. There's still time. Continue, keep that pace. That's it, that's it....Next page. Yes! Jeya taught me how to do this. Thanks Jeya. Now if I can only remember what she said....

Ooh. Is that it? Structural finished so quickly. Oohkay then, objective here we go. Oh, this is nice. I like this question. And that one. Ha! I know how to do this. Oh crap. Polarisation. Which one? A? D? A? D? Okay, get back to you later. Moving on. I can do this. I can do this. Yes, yes, yes!

...Finished already? I was just starting to have fun!

Shit, half an hour left. Okay, back to the ones I skipped out. Hehe, loved drawing the dot and cross diagram of Ca 2+ ion. Oh, there's that long-assed question on the various reactions. Okay, I like this. Electrophilic addition. So's this one. Next is oxidation. Then Hydrogenation.

...Name compound X. Draw out compound 2. --- is a --------. Draw out the polymer with 2 repeating units. Haha! Easy! I love polymerisation. Next page. Ooh! Ooh! Brilliant!

Draw in displayed the mechanism for Reaction --. Hehe! Electrophilic addition. *Hums happily under breath* Checks clock. Oh shit!

"You have fifteen minutes left."

Shit, shit, shit. Bugger. Bugger. Flip flip flip. What the heck are they talking about? I don't know!!! Scribble something, cancel, cancel, scribble some more. Crapppp!!!

Flip, flip, flip. Hear ye you stupid objective question on polarisation! Which one is it!!!

Tell me now or I will destroy you!!!!!!!!

A. D. A. D. A. D.

If this keeps going on, I will get ADD, I swear it.

A. D. A. D. A. D.

Crap. Ten more minutes. Screw it! A.

Flip flip flip. Check, all my objectives are done. Flip some more. So are the structural. Go through once more just in case. Fingers are twitching in mid air as I take count of all my questions. Some habit I picked up after watching Elektra. Some OCD counting thing. I do it all the time now. Ooh, so I have OCD?

Wait. I thought I have ADD.

Oh shaddup. It's a fact I am bipolar.

Or maybe I'm just schizophrenic! Yay, I got multiple personality disorder!!!

Who bloody cares? Chem is almost over!

Okay, done. Closes the booklet. Smiles, look around, people scribbling frantically. Hehe.

Watch the clock. Watch the head invigilator watch the clock. C'mon, pal, it's just one stroke away from 7.30pm.

"Time's up! Stop writing. Check your booklet to see if you finished writing all your details!"

Oh thank God!

A rustling sound as people check through their booklet. Dump pens and pencil obsessively neatly into pencil case. Zipped it close. Then only check through booklet. Hehe.

Lady came over to pick up our papers. Said "Thank you". We must be polite. Look around. Dashed forward to get bag. Chatted with Rin. Went home.

Hungry. Want food.

Finis.

Clutch Is My New Nemesis

Oh, agony of the foot and all of my extremities, thy name is CLUTCH!

Surprisingly, he let me drive on my very first lesson. On the main road. And the engine died so many times I lost count. Driving bit was okay, but the clutch was just bloody uncooperative.

Gosh. I hate the clutch.

Can't wait to drive an auto.

Smokes and Laughter

I am supposed to be studying for my Biology mock tomorrow and guess what I'm doing?

Yes I'm blogging!

Got some really stupid stuff that happens in class. The kind that makes you laugh like hell.

Yesterday we were in Bio doing some questions on CHD. Naturally, there was a question where they showed a BMI chart. Underneath they asked, 'What advice should a doctor give to a patient who's BMI is over 40?'

The thing is, people, in the BMI chart, 40 is severely obese. So over 40 would have been worse than that. And after all that Biology training, we were preparing to say, 'Lose weight, do exercises, healthy diet,' when David cut in and exclaimed, 'His BMI is over 40 and that's severely obese! The only thing the doctor can say now is GO FOR A LIPOSUCTION!'

And that simply cracked everyone up.

Today was Ronnie's birthday. Now Ronnie was this fella who most of us didn't like but tolerated. He smokes and swears and is generally, a very vulgar person. But David was pals with him, so he brought up the issue when we were in Physics class. (Teach was late and half the class skipped it after finding out so it was only me, Ee Lyn, Cat, Kerrine, Shean-Woei, Jian Haw, Shweta, David, Pav and Daniel.)

'What should we get him for his birthday then?' SW asked.

David: 'We could get him a pack of smokes!'

Me: 'You're encourage him to smoke? That's gonna kill him!'

David: 'Yes, but we're all gonna contribute RM 1 each and buy him lunch. Then he can have a nice meal and some nice, branded smokes like Marlboro or something and at least it'll be worth dying for!'

SW: What does Ronnie smoke?

David: Everything!

SW: (without thinking) What, like weed or something?

David sputtered at her. 'Weed! Shean-Woei, are you trying to kill us or get us into jail?' David is very dramatic, you'll soon learn. 'Where are we going to get him WEED?'

So it went on about the pros and cons of smoking until David had an idea. 'Ok, Ronnie wants three things: Smokes, a new steering wheel and petrol money. We don't have petrol money for him, and steering wheel costs a hell lotta money, so we're going with the smokes! He'll be so pleased!'

Pause.

'I know!' Suddenly David has this really brilliant idea. 'We'll get him two packs of smokes, and wrap one up and give it to him, then we'll take the other pack, open it and stick all the smokes on top of a cake or something, so when he smokes, he'll go--' and here, David accurately mimed Ronnie smoking and getting high. '--mmhmm, this taste like chocolate cake!! *stops miming* It'll be the best birthday of his life! He'll be so pleased!' Then he starts acting up again. 'Mummy, look, they got me smokes!!!'

It mayn't seem funny but it was freaking darn hilarious when David did it. Seriously, he kinda reminds me of Sun, just in a more argumentative way.

Then Shangeeth kept having bad luck with pastries: Last time she ate a cheese tart, something happened and it fell to the floor. Today she bought 2 choc cupcakes, ate one, chatted with SW and it fell to the floor. Then at Bio she ate the second cupcake, chatted with Pav and it dropped to the floor.

I'm seeing a pattern here.

And Cat was amusing the way she had to fend out exclaimations over the plaster on her forehead that she said she got it when she slammed her head on the table in exasperation too hard.

The Beginning of Paravel [Part 1]

For the first time in a couple of weeks, I finally checked out my Facebook. Been neglecting it for a while, since I've read some scientific study how students who frequent Facebook get a lower GPA compared to those who don't. Besides, it's not like I've got any reason to use it. People hardly tag me, no one really cares about the stuff I type (not that I type a lot) so it's been living in limbo.

And usually, the first thing I do online is check my mail. So imagine my utmost surprise, when, after abandoning my Facebook for ages, I discover one and a half pages of Facebook spam. And then, after checking all the bloody hoo-hah, I realised it was because some fella who had too much free time uploaded my Standard 1 class photo on Facebook. Yeah, uploading is OK, but I don't bloody know how and why they managed to tag me on it. Seriously, does everyone in the world have Facebook now?

It was rhetoric; don't answer.

And everyone was busy commenting and catching up; as a result, I got Facespammed. Like crazy. And the thing is, I barely remember these people. OK, maybe I do remember some, like how some people, even at the young age of seven, are brats. And how adorable I looked back then. (I cringe when I compare my primary school photos to my current ones. Seriously, I looked cuter as a kid.)

Besides that, there's this whole buggering issue going on with my driving lessons. Seriously, I'm really fed up about everything. I'm leaning towards swordfighting and stories as a form of escapism. Everything that's going on now is suffocating. Where would I be without my angels?
__________________________________

"We've all had some bad things in our past," Katie explained coolly. "Colin's father walked out on him before he was born; he was raised by his mum. My dad died when I was ten. Arthur's mum died in labour. So we've all got a bond between us, a really strong bond. We all understand what the other has gone through, because we've been there ourselves. That's probably why we're so close, why we seem a bit nuts sometimes." She said it in such a tone no one could really tell if she was joking or not. Though she probably was.

"And Jules?" Dunham prodded. He grew pale. "She didn't lose anyone she cared for, did she?"

"Nah," Katie drawled in her Irish accent. Dunham felt a sense of relief until Katie continued her sentence.

"Nah, she was just born dysfunctional."


She looked around her warily. It was true that she'd dreamt of meeting people like her, people amongst whom she'd feel a sense of belonging, but long ago she had put it aside as a figment of her imagination, for she highly doubted that people like her truly existed. And even if they did, it was a million to one that they'd ever meet.

Or that they'd deliberately seek her out to join them in arms. For who would want such a dysfunctional, flawed human being to join the ranks of angels and goddesses?

Oh, angels and goddesses they definitely were. Three of them, two men and a woman. The men looked polar opposites of each other; one dark, one light. The blond man had deep blue eyes and a tall frame, one that reminded her of a knight of the ancient times. His opposite, Colin, she thought his name was, had dark hair and blue eyes, though of a darker shade than the blond.

And the female...even she was taken aback at how great the contrast was between the woman's milk-pale skin and her long, black tresses. It actually came as a shock to later find out that Katie's dark hair was a result of hair dye. And her eyes...chips of blue ice embedded in pale fairness. She blinked. It seemed that these gods and goddess shared one feature: blue eyes.

Her own was dark brown, although she'd like to think of it as dark chocolate. One of her vices next to books and swords. And it didn't really stand out much against her plain brown tresses, but people used to say that she had large eyes and long lashes, so she supposed it was alright then.

The blond, whom she was come to know as Arthur, stepped forward, hand extended to her. Strangely enough, Jules's attention was focused on Katie. There was something ethereal about her, something that drew her closer, but she knew that if she got in too deep she wouldn't be able to get out. She needn't have worried though; Katie was extremely sweet and kind towards her.

Both Arthur and Colin noticed the effect Katie was having on the young girl, and Arthur cleared his throat, pulling Jules's attention to him again. 'I know you don't believe us when we say this, but you are an Old Soul.' He smiled a little. 'So am I. So are we all.'

He clasped her hand in his. 'We're more at home in the past than in the present. There is nothing we love more than knowledge, nothing that fascinates us more than the lores of ancient times, nothing we want more than to ride into battle with a sword in our hands.' Jules's eyes brightened at the idea. 'And nothing we wish more than to live life once more as lords and ladies, as kings and queens of old.'

Jules watched as Arthur lowered himself slightly to her eye level, so she could see the earnest look in his eyes. 'The only thing we have on our side is magic--' here, his eyes flashed a golden yellow, and Jules watched intently as he conjured a deep, red rose for her. 'Sometimes, it is not enough. You won't understand much of this, I'm sure. But when the moment comes, you will remember. Because you are one of us. One of the great Queens of the Old Lore.'

The Hunger Games....Make Me Hungry

Oh, we are free! Free from the burdens! The restrains, the time-consuming, bloody 42 hours I wasted.

Yes, people, I'm talking about Msian/Moral Studies. The biweekly classes I had to sit for for the past 4 months. And though it may be fun (as in, we poke fun at the teachers) it was, overall, a bloody waste of time. Okay, so I learned something (like how Moral is actually Beginner's Guide to Philosophy) so it wasn't a total waste of time. Just a bloody waste of time.

Exams were yesterday (Friday 23th) and we - Jian Haw, Fiona, Yvonne and I - holed up in the lib not to study Moral, but to discuss what essays we were going to write and what values to use for those essays. Yep, Fi and Yvonne's class teacher (2 teachs: Ms Sue who set the papers - Fi's teach- and Ms Geetha - mine and Jian's) had already given out format. As in what's going to come out for the final exam, including the topics for the MCQs. Confused? It sorta ran like this:

Q1: Morality
Q10: Kant
Q20- Buddhism

Yeah, she seriously gave them out and they're the exact ones she's been giving out for years. Can I hear you say, 'LOL'?

So we sat for Moral and Msian, bloody tiring I tell you. I think I sorta lost my appetite due to the stress.

Oh, and I WON!!! Books!

My sis texted me during studying to tell me I got a parcel from Scholastic. And so I went 'Hmm, who's sending me stuff?' Sis had a feeling it was a book. Went home, opened it and found.....

....Book 1 and 2 of the Hunger Games!!! Roar!! Book 2 was in hardcover, and Book 1 had a small, 3D thing - the one that flips faces when you tilt it? - of the mockingjay pin Katniss received, the same logo on the front cover of Book 1. Readers of Hunger Games would know what I'm talking about.

And then I'm like, 'Whoa, when did I sign up for this competition?'

Seriously, I totally forgot! Then sis conveniently remembered that she'd seen me signing up for this a while back. (P.S. Also signed up for the 26 leather bound classics from Popular so, fingers crossed!)

So proud wei! Winning books. Printed in USA some more tau!

Hehe.

Do Whatever You Want, But Be Sure That You Can Face The Consequences of Your Actions.

Crazy. Hectic. Chaotic.

Thesaurus.

No, you read correctly. Thesaurus. That's what Jian Haw is taking to call me everytime I lecture him for misusing a word. I'll be correcting him about something and he'll go, 'Yalah, yalah, thesaurus! I also have one in my phone!' And then he whips out his phone and opens up the thesaurus app., just to one-up me.

We've been having a multitude of examinations lately. Mock tests and mock-mock tests. But I'm sure you know that already. We are stressed to the point that all we do in our free period now is conquer the library to study. Seriously, that is all we ever do. I bet even the librarians there know us by face now.

And if that wasn't bad enough, we'd just finished our mock/mock-mock chem test yesterday. It was supposed to be 50 MCQs and no structural. So everyone was a bit relieved at the prospect. Then Ms Kana came in, placed her bag down and started handing out questions papers. You know, those in the past year questions format, where they had Jan 2008 or something on them? Yep, so it looked pretty official and everything, and Alex, I think, opened the first few pages.

Kana noticed and shrugged. 'Go ahead and check it out. I don't mind. You can see what you're going to do.'

Then someone shrieked. 'OMG!! Got structural!!'

And the whole class promptly went into an uproar.

'Teacher, you said 50 MCQ only! Why got structural?'

'Why so not fair one!!!'

'Omg, I signed my name already!' Yep, you need to write your surname, initial and sign it at the top column.

And on it went till Kana, grinning like mad, said. 'I never said this was your test.' Stunned class. 'You simply jumped to conclusions. You never gave me the chance to talk. Nice, isn't it, to have your blood pressure go up and come back down again?' Nice? I felt like wringing her neck.

'This is your homework. Do the objective only. And now this is the real test.'

We came close to having a bloody myocardial infarction (read: heart attack). Seriously, I bet the papers would be astounded if that actually happened. "Whole Class Simultaneously Had Heart Attacks. Chem Teacher to Blame."

Msian studies and moral studies final exams is on next Friday, one after the other. Can die, I tell you! Got Msian studies assignment as well. 10 page essay and group presentation. And I'm barely surviving on sleep. I've been cutting down from 8 to six hours a night. And I wake at 6 every morning, regardless. You do the math.

I'm going to bed.

The Worst Kind of Influences Are The Ones That Pretend To Be "For Your Own Good."

I absolutely loath Gaius in Merlin.

Oh, he's a fine character and all that, and Richard Wilson portrays him beautifully. I just dislike the way the scriptwriters wrote Gaius out to be all kind and wise when he's actually not.

Shall I give some examples?

In the seventh episode of the first season, The Gates of Avalon, Morgana sees Arthur in her dreams. She sees him drowning underwater and there's a young woman standing over him, watching him die. The very next day, Arthur brings back a woman and her father, whom he'd saved from bandits, and Morgana understands that Lady Sophia Tiamor and Aulfric, her father, are the ones behing Arthur's demise.

So of course, she confides in the only person she'd thought who help: Gaius.

And Gaius, little bugger he is, acts all righteous and keeps on giving Morgana sleeping draughts - then's version of sleeping pills - to help her sleep well and reduce her nightmares. Guess what, Gaius? They don't work! And he knows it, because all the time he's suspected that she's got magic and is a Seer. But no, he won't say anything.

Then Merlin finds out about this but is forbidden from ever letting Morgana know she's a Seer. In The Nightmare Begins (Season 2 Episode 3) tries to help Morgana, who accidentally (using her powers) started a fire in her room. Morgana confides in Gaius, again (dear girl, when will you learn? He's trying to allay you!) and he patronizes her, the bloody physician! He calls her "my child" and she screams at him, 'I'm not a child!' You go, Morgana.

And here is when Merlin shines for a moment but fades back under the wing of Gaius. Here is where Merlin wants Gaius to "talk to her. Tell her she'll be ok. Tell her that her powers aren't something to be afraid of." And when Merlin wants to talk to Morgana after Gaius refuses to, he's being forbidden by his uncle.

Merlin: You need to be honest with her.
Gaius: What makes you so certain that you know better than me?
Merlin: Because I went through exactly the same thing! I know what she's feeling right now!
Gaius: You cannot get involved in this! No good can come of it. I mean it, Merlin. Stay out of it.

Which begs the question, why doesn't Gaius wants Morgana to know about her powers? She's already helped Mordred the Druid boy, she can keep a secret, especially one so close to her. Why doesn't anyone tell her?

And this, ladies and gentlemen, is the reason Morgana actively and behind Uther's back, seeks out her own kind. Like anyone of us, she wants to feel accepted, to belong, to be part of something.

Morgana: I'm sorry. I'm never going back. These are my people. They're like me. (pause) I don't feel so alone here. Do you understand?
Merlin: Better than anyone.

But why won't you tell her, Merlin?

It was absolutely heartbreaking, the part where she says, 'I don't feel so alone here.' One of the reasons why I can really relate to Morgana. I'm still trying to find a place where I don't feel so alone.

But the thing that irked me the most is when people ask why did Morgana become evil. FYI, people, if you've been keeping up with the show, Morgana didn't become evil, regardless of what Gaius said. In The Beginning of the End, all she did was help a Driud boy escape. Uther was persecuting a boy. A boy. Wouldn't you do the same?

In The Nightmare Begins, she seeks out the Druids because they're the only ones who can tell her why she's having all these dreams that can tell the future. In the Sins of the Father, she feels a connection with Morgause, who turns out to be her half-sister. In The Witch's Quickening, she was blinded by Alvarr's charm that she helped him escape. In the Fires of Idirsholas, it was Morgause who spirited Morgana away, and not Morgana herself who left, even though I don't quite approve with the fact she left to see Morgause (but hey, she feels a connection there. Can't blame the girl, can we?)

The thing is, I see it this way: Morgana has powers, things she can't explain, things she doesn't know why. And she's trying to find someone to help her, to explain things to her. Basically just to let her know she's not alone. And Merlin's been given so many opportunities to help, but he doesn't. Because he's influenced by Gaius not to. And when she can't find help from the people around her, she goes to the people she's brought up to believe are evil. Why?

Because they have magic. Surely they can help. And indeed, each and every single one of them (even the ones that use her) tell her that magic is not something to be afraid of. It's a gift. They gave her hope, and they're supposed to be the bad guys. While her so-called friends are filling her head with lies, making her doubt herself. Which is why we see her go from a strong, powerful warrior in Season 1 to a teary, wreck of a lady with very few scenes in each episode in Season 2.

It must be killing her, for the people she trusts so much to betray her (Merlin tried to kill her) and for the people she's been brought up to hate to extend help and courtesy to her. Especially Mordred. I love Mordred. You can see that he geniunely likes Morgana.

I simply hate the fact that the "good" side do nothing to get Morgana through this difficult period of her life and then claim that she's gone over to the dark side when she seeks the people who can help. She's not evil, she's dark, and a little bit misunderstood.

Also, another pet peeve with Morgause. She seemed to truly love Morgana as her sister, but I'm asking, if she loves her sister, why did she use her, manipulate her to be the vessel for the sleeping curse in the Fires of Idirsholas? It stands to reason, then, that she hates Uther more than she cares for her sister. Nice. Both she and Uther finally had something in common, albeit in reverse: He hates magic more than he cares for Morgana too. It's a sign that she's losing herself to her hatred. Morgause is going mad. She will, I'm betting on it.

This whole thing about Gaius being the "good" guy is really wiring me up. I've got a good mind to start a fanfiction where it is revealed that Gaius is actually the one behind everything. I really do.

Maybe after my exams this week, yeah?

Watch out Gaius. I'm coming for you.

I'm Not Going To Pursue This, Not Because I Can't, But Because I Won't.

Let's just face it. We're not good for each other. There may be something between us, and maybe if I don't act now it'll be lost, but it's nothing I can't live without.

My eyes close, my soul quietens.
All I long for, I have yet to reach.
This thing we have
It is full of twists and turns
That I cannot begin to decipher

I believed that there could be something more
But deep judgment pulled me back from going further
It's frustratingly complex yet simple
One step forward, two steps back

I try to look at it differently
How it would seem like to the world
Yet I still see confusion and chaos
Are we for real, or is this just a game we play?
If it is a game, why do I feel such tenderness?
If it's for real, why do I feel such hesitance?

Sorrow tears through me
Yet it is a sorrow I have encountered before
A familiar friend, yet its presence is slightly less than reassuring
It reminds me of things yet to come
Knowledge yet to be found
Loves yet to be known
But somehow, I doubt you'd be one of them

Your world and mine collide
But would you leave it all behind for me?
I don't think I can
I don't really think I can

We come from different origins
And though attraction beckons
I must, have to, need to
Have one foot on reality
We simply cannot exist
Not together
I deny myself this part of you
I deny myself everything I've known about you
Let's forget these moments we've shared

I deny myself everything

At Times Like This, I Just Want To Sleep And Never Wake Up

I'm being a bit morbid lately.

OK, maybe I'm always morbid, but never like this. I might have wanted to murder someone, but that person is never myself. It's strange and scary that my thoughts are becoming darker by the minute.

We were in Chem class today when Fi mentioned it was Yein's birthday. So of course, what followed after was the honorary birthday song. Kana even chimed in since she entered as we were about to begin class. Fi suggested that the whole class go out for lunch together to celebrate Yein's big day. They started making suggestions like going back to the main block, at which point I'd privately decided not to show up. Why not? I hear you ask. Well I have things to do, mainly study for my maths mock mock tomorrow. Yep, Mock mock. It's a pre-mock up mock, so we call it the Maths Mock Mock.

So right after class I started heading for the door when Ee Lyn stopped me. 'Hey, aren't you going for Yein's birthday lunch?'

I raised an eyebrow and asked. 'Have they decided where to go yet?'

'Uh, I don't think so.'

Then I gave her one of my there-you-have-it looks. 'Exactly.' (Actually, I think I said "That's Why" but 'Exactly' sounds more posh)

So I dashed off to the cafeteria at E&C (strangely enough, me and my pals shortened it to cafe) got some food and had to wait about five minutes before I ate because I had to reply some people who texted me during chem class. Sorry guys, was too busy asking teach some chem-related questions during the last few minutes of the toilet break. And it was getting infuriating because just as I finished replying one text and have just replaced my phone in my pocket, the next fella sends back another text! Bugger you people!

After lunch I went up to the lib. Saw Jian and Pav there with some other people but I didn't wanna join them. Then I saw Lou's stuff on an empty table and sat down just as she walked out of the loo. Lou walked out of the loo. Geddit? Gosh, I sound like Melinda! No offense Mel! :)

Lou wanted to get some lunch so I settled with going through my chem work and my maths. Unfortunately I got sidetracked by a Personality Psychology Text which I borrowed (and which I got hooked on after seeing the Personality Disorders chapter - I borrowed it based on that alone). Ronnie and Nen Lin were at the next table, and after that they were joined by their pals. Then Jian left his table and came over, and since Lou wasn't back yet and Jian was a quiet studier, I invited him to sit with me.

Ee Lyn and Cat came up after that, quickly followed by the rest of the class. Seems that the whole Group B decided to study in the lib today, but most of them dispersed after seeing how crowded it was. Then Mark came and joined Ronnie's table, but since he didn't have a chair, he turned around to see us. The only chair available was Lou's (since Ee Lyn occupied the chair opposite Jian, who was beside me. I wondered briefly how long did it take to eat lunch - she'd been gone for an hour, gosh!) and as Mark turned to take it, I stepped in. Hey, it had Lou's bag on it, and besides, she could be back any minute. So I told Mark, 'That's my friend's chair. She's sitting there.' In a very nice, polite way, no threats or screams, even.

Mark nodded understandingly and smiled. I thought he got it, that I was looking after it for a pal, but then he turned back and said, 'OK. You know, you scare me a lot lah.'

And left me with a wth? look on my face. Just in time to hear Ee Lyn say, 'Yep, she does that to a lot of people.'

Mark's intimidated by me? And I have been nothing but nice to him!

Then Lou came back and she and Ee Lyn got into this whole convo about how I needed to chill and relax a bit (from Ee Lyn) and how she (Lou) tried for the past ten years to change me but failed. So I ended up having to justify everything I did while Jian, the little bugger, just sat there laughing. In the end I got fed up with having to justify my actions (and I said so) when what Ee Lyn said struck me.

'It's not always about you.'

Okay, I got that. Then she continued. 'Like today. Why won't you stay back to mix with Yein and all of them and just go for a class lunch?'

So I took a deep breath. 'We have nothing to talk about.'

'So? It's not always about you. True, you won't have things to talk about all the time, but you could still sit there and listen to what they have to say. Like me. I didn't know what they were talking about but I just sat there and listened.'

The little girl inside me tried to digest this bit of advice. Jian meanwhile poked a jibe at Ee Lyn saying that was because she was playing with her phone, to which Lyn replied she wasn't using her phone then.

'But...' Lyn looked at me. I tried to convey what I felt. 'Alright. It's like this. You sat there because you were having fun right? You're one of them. It's like you belong there. But for me, I have no idea what they're talking about. I'm not having fun. That's why I leave. Like that time I went to a party? I wasn't having fun so I left early.'

Ee Lyn regarded me critically. 'But you don't need to leave early. Just sit and listen to their convo, mix around. Relax. I don't even listen to what they're saying either but I still hang around.'

I didn't have an answer to that then. But after thinking deeply, I got it. Lyn, you chose not to listen. I tried that, but I wasn't having fun. Besides, I have things to do. I don't want to abandon what plans I have to waste my time not having fun.

A bit of silence after that. Was surprised when I saw the clock was showing one forty five. My class starts at two. So my time OCD kicked in, and I frantically shoved my stuff into my bag. 'I'm gonna be late, I'm gonna be late.' Honestly, I don't know why I torture myself like this. Ee Lyn glanced calmly at the clock. 'We've got fifteen minutes. Chill.' But I dragged myself up, checked out the psych book and dashed down the stairs. Was waiting for the class to empty as Jian came up to me and said, 'Whoa, you're really early.'

But I was still pensive about the whole library incident. 'It's not always about you.' 'I'm intimidated by you.' I don't get the second bit. Why does Mark feel intimidated when I've done nothing? Self diagnosing of personality disorders in the psych book (Antisocial disorder, narcissistic disorder) don't help me much. I don't get why I somehow have symptoms from practically every personality disorder except histrionic personality disorder.

It was later that I came to the conclusion: I read things, and I apply them in my life. It's like I can't help but integrate every single bit of knowledge I pick up into my daily life. And it's scaring me. Because ever since I read up about manic depression (read: bipolar), I've been having weird dreams. Yes of course, I'm a sadistic person, but this time I'm having weird ideas about sleeping forever. Homicidal tendencies are usual with me (hehe, I'm mean and wicked) but suicide is something I'd never touched.

What have I done?

I Don't Really Care About Saving People's Lives; I Just Want To Cut Them Up.

A very long time has passed since my last post, and I do apologise for not updating sooner. But A Levels has been really hectic, what with projects and mocks tests, and I've also made a promise to not go online during weekdays. Exams - as in the real, Edexcel External Exams - are just around the corner - end of May - and I seriously need to study my ass off if I'm planning on getting a good, strong, solid A. Redundant, but you get the gist.

This whole week was fun. I guess. Biology was cancelled for the whole week (which was conveniently replaced during the first few weeks of class) and the whole class was overjoyed. Hence we had a few extra hours of free time.

On Wednesday, we had Chem, and Kana entered the class to find that Mark was rummaging through Yundzir and Ronnie's bag. So being the no-nonsense chem teacher that she was, Kana proceeded to ask him what the heck he was doing, in fairly polite terms.

Mark replied: 'Oh, he borrowed my chem notes and haven't returned them.'

Cue Kana's turn to bring out her "Don't Share Chem Notes" policy again. 'That is why I don't believe in "sharing is caring." You lend your notes to your friends, they lose it, in the end it's you that is going to suffer.'

Mark continues rummaging to no positive effect, so he settles for borrowing a pal's notes to photocopy. As he was about to leave, Kana called him back.

'Mark,' she began. 'I have the feeling that you consider me to be trash.' Mark's eyes widened, and he frantically began shaking his head. Kana ignored him and continued with her lecture, twenty something pairs of eyes watching the scene. 'Because I found your notes in the bin. The dust bin,' she clarified, as Mark and the twenty students (yours truly included) blinked at this. Mark's notes. In the dust bin. Add them together and what you get?

Recipe for disaster.

'In fact, one of my senior students who found the notes got so upset because he appreciates me so much and took it very badly.' Kana continued the guilt trip. Mark laughed sheepishly. 'Maybe it's still in the bin. Go check.'

So Mark turned and started out the door when he bumps into Yundzir who had borrowed the notes. Mark went, 'Hey, they found my notes in the bin in the lab.'

Yundzir: Bin? What bin?

Mark: The dust bin.

Yundzir: (wide-eyed) Seriously?

So Mark dashed out of Block E, into Block D, ran up a few flights of stairs (or he took the lift - dunno which one), went through the lab and rummaged it. Well, not that we were with him, but we used our imaginations as a substitute.

He came back about ten minutes later without success. Kana looks at him expectantly, and he shook his head. Then the fun began. He took one step back to his place, and Kana goes, 'Oops.' And the whole class burst into laughter (yes, even Mark) as Kana took out his notes from her folder. 'Oops,' she went again, before handing his notes back to him, but paused halfway as she checked his homework. Found out that Yundzir had copied Mark's homework, and launched into another tirade on how examiners figured out who cheated in exams.

Thursday. Had the Sikhism presentation. Spent the day with Jian Haw, who reminds me a little bit of Merlin actually, don't know why. His personality, perhaps? Since we didn't have biology, we got to the Moral Studies classroom about one hour early (amidst Jian's protests that there would be the cleaning crew around who'd be cleaning the rooms) and I started practicing my presentation. Then I got bored and sat at the back with Jian and we had this discussion about how mean I was and that switched to accents (where Jian refused to do his so-called cacated indian accent for me) and then the Cleaning Staff came in and started emptying out the baskets. And Jian kept saying 'I told you so' and I had to appease him by acknowledging that he was right.

Later people started filling the class and Ee Lyn came and hung out with us. Warned Ee Lyn that I would be asking questions during my pres so she'd better pay attention to me. Then Jian interrupted with a statement that I was scary and Ee Lyn agreed. Needless to say, I was basically agreeing to whatever they were saying since I was busy texting people.

Then during my presentation I kinda botched it up a bit by reading, well, referring a lot to the slides even though I've got notes in my hand since I simply didn't want to look down at them, and I was practically leaning against the table and speaking to them. Then I noticed a couple of people not paying attention so I called them out: Daniel Chew! Tell me the 5Ks of Sikhism.

He told me later that he wanted to chuck his pal's phone (which he had been looking at when I called him out) at my head but resisted. Then I called out Ee Lyn to answer the same questions, and I distinctly saw her curse at me before she answered my question and I got the class to give her a round of applause.

Shock number 2 was when Ivory was presenting, and I got a bit annoyed that people weren't listening, so I just yelled (okay, called) to the class and basically told them in polite terms to respect Ivory a bit while she was talking, yeah? Ivory glanced at me, muttered under her breath 'Thanks' heavy in sarcasm while the whole class sat up to hear her speak. No prob, Ivory. Just helping out.

Jian later said I was really scary which was why the whole class was paying attention. I'm not that bad, am I?